View From The Moon
by adropletofjupiter
Summary: a story about love with a dramatic twist, centered about Joey and Pacey mainly but with jen and doug added in, set in season six, after christmas time. r&r plz.. CHAPTER 8 POSTED.
1. View From The Moon 1 Electric Pencils

THE VIEW FROM THE MOON Set in season 6, same time as All the right moves.  
  
Joey sat on her bed reading a book looking over at Audrey, who was sleeping on her bed, she looked around and turned back to her book. It was boring, she was bored, and the world seemed to revolve slowly. The book she was reading about the French revolution, with a very bad English translation. It was boring her beyond belief, she had nothing to do but read, she just wished that anything exciting would happen. For once nothing was happening, the week was quiet, no major crisis and it had driven her to boredom. The week before had been hectic, Audrey had a narrow escape, taking her to the hospital to have her stomach pumped was not a nice ordeal and it hadn't stopped her drinking. She said she wanted to stop and she believed her, drinking was a habit and the drugs was an addiction. She took a deep breath and continued to read the badly translated book that she was preparing to give a very bad view of to Professor Heston. The phone rang beside her; she thanked god for the interruption and put down the book, picking up the phone to hear a friendly voice on the other end. "Hello? Dorm of the living dead and badly translated French novels how can I be at your service?" she answered she heard a familiar chesty laugh on the other end and a smile crept to her Face. "Well, well, well Mr. Witter, long time no see, I thought that you had fallen into the flames of hell and been burned to a crisp," she told him, sweeping her long hair behind her ears. She was going to try to sound mad at him, she loved to tease.  
  
"How did you know it was me?" Pacey questioned leaning back in his chair in his brand new office. She always knew it was him and he never knew quite how she knew before he spoke.  
  
"Well your laugh just gives you away Witter. Why the phone call? You've been a stranger lately you better have a good reason for disturbing my education," she joked to him, sitting up in her bed and crossing her legs into the lotus position. She listened to him and his silence, it was almost giddy, she didn't know how but she could always tell if he was happy on the phone, his voice just came across so clearly to her.  
  
"I am sorry I disturbed your reading hour Miss Potter, I guess I will just have to find someone else to interrupt and take for a champagne luncheon," he told her. He could almost feel her smile light up on the other end as he spoke, leaning back in his very comfortable chair and playing with his electronic pencil sharpener. He had sharpened many pencils today, it was just something about an electronic pencil sharpener that amazed him. The fact that you didn't even need to turn the pencil, just place it into the hole made him giddy, right now his whole life made him giddy. Well apart from the rush of guilt he felt every second thought, about how he had hurt Audrey, but right now speaking to Joey he was happy.  
  
"Did you say Champagne luncheon?" Joey asked slightly amused. Those words did not come out of Pacey Witter's mouth - it was definitely a change from Pizza at 'the hut'.  
  
"Yup Champagne Luncheon with a newly promoted stock broker, can you think of anything better. I mean I sit here in my office and think, in my very comfortable leather chair, looking out over the Boston skyline and playing with my electronic pencil sharpener and think. I think hmmm who could I possibly take out to a very expensive lunch to celebrate my moving forward in the business world and I thought of no-one better then you. But if you don't want to then I guess I'll just go down to the staff room and pick a very attractive, leggy secretary with huge breasts and ask her which I'm sure that she would love. So whaddya say. Do I need to walk all the way down to the secretary's lounge and make a very hard decision or do you want to come?" Pacey asked waiting for a while before she spoke, a smile spread across his face as the imagined her face. He could imagine her fingers sweeping her hair behind her ear, her lips turning up in the corner into a smile and a small laugh playing on her throat.  
  
"Well aren't you arrogantly charming this morning Mr. Witter? Well if it means that it stops you from getting of your big obnoxious ass and..." Joey told him a smile was tugging at her lips but she knew she should disapprove. There was no way she could turn him down, his little speech was making her curious, electronic pencil sharpeners? That could not be resisted. As she was speaking, he cut her off mid sentence.  
  
"I'll have you know that I have a very nice ass Miss Potter, it is obnoxious in no way. Anyway if it is it's really okay because being arrogant, obnoxious and being a general persuasive pain in the ass is in my job description," he told her. "Come on Potter time is money, you going to come or not?" he questioned her, looking through a file on his desk.  
  
"Did you just actually mutter the completely unoriginal words 'time is money'?" she questioned laughing slightly in her throat, she heard him return it lightly as he spoke.  
  
"Yes I did, but it is very true, right about now I should be making the company money. But instead I'm talking to a very financially broke student who is probably going to be eating yesterdays old pizza if she doesn't come out with me," he told her, leaning forward onto his desk awaiting her answer. He knew he wouldn't have to take that walk into the secretaries' lounge.  
  
"Well it does sound like a much better option," Joey told him and paused, pretending to think. "I'll be over at twelve?" she questioned him. A smile playing at her lips as she closed her book and lay back onto the bed, closing her eyes and listening to his voice. His voice was like velvet to her, even when she was hating him his voice always made her happy again. His voice and his smile always put a light into her life, in a way she hated it, she hated the fact that he always made her smile by his voice. But she loved that he had the power.  
  
"Twelve is perfect and dress up all nice now, you want to look just as good as m.e which I do not think is possible because I am looking marvelous today. But I'll see you later and let you get back to your absolutely riveting education," he told her, turning his attention to a file on his desk that he had to work on.  
  
"Thank you but you really weren't disturbing anything that I didn't want disturbed," she told him looking out of the window at the sunshine that broke through the blinds. It was a nice day, possibly a day for a skirt, it certainly seemed appropriate for lunch with a stockbroker.  
  
"Ok bye," He said before hanging the phone up and getting on with his work. Most people would consider it boring but as he saw it, it was an excuse to talk on the phone all day and flirt with very rich women.  
  
"Bunny? Who was that disturbing my sleep?" Audrey asked with her hand on her head walking over to Joey's bed and sitting on it. She stared at her smile, she knew only one person was capable of giving her that giddy look, she frowned. "Oh god you look giddy, it must be a certain man with a horrendous beard that we both know a little too well for our health," she told her and Joey nodded. She didn't mind Joey spending time with a man that was at one time her beau. She didn't mind her spending time with him but when it meant disturbing her sleep with her very obvious banter/flirting, she wasn't as keen.  
  
"Yeah, certain stockbroker whose name is not mentioned. It was him, don't worry he's not coming over," She reassured her. Getting up off her bed, she looked in her wardrobe thinking about what to wear. It wasn't a huge deal, she had had lunch with him many times, but she didn't know what to wear for a swanky lunch with a stockbroker. It was funny to think of him as a stockbroker when she had known him so long, but it was as close to a professional flirt and suck-up as humanly possible. She was stumped with what to wear, she was clean-clothily-challenged. It was washing day tomorrow and nothing was clean, usually she would ask the expert opinion of Audrey, live-in style coordinator, but considering who it was it just didn't seem appropriate. She listened to Audrey in the bathroom being sick again, she was always sick and Joey was beginning to worry.  
  
Joey walked down the corridor, looking for Pacey, she couldn't find him, they said his office wasn't far from where he used to work, if she knew where he used to work then it would have been easier. She walked down the corridor, she couldn't believe she had worn this outfit, red button down shirt, black blazer and black knee-length skirt with some heels that were highly dangerous. Dangerous was the word around here; vultures that whistled at her surrounded her as she walked past. She rolled her eyes as she felt a presence behind her, a strong smell of forceful after shave and hair gel. Rich Rinaldi, plague of the stock brokerage, approached her. "You look a little lost, you seem to have misplaced the model agency," he said in her ear, she continued to walk and ignored him, looking around. "Look, seriously, you really do look lost" he told her.  
  
"I'm looking for Pacey Witter," she told him and he nodded. "What?" she questioned him. She scowled at him, he was a slimy snail in her garden, she wished she could just stomp on him with her high heel.  
  
"Oh yes I know Witter. Usually I would consider myself too important to chaperone you to his office, seen as I am his boss. But on this occasion, as you are so jaw dropingly gorgeous I will make a very welcome acceptation," he told her putting his hand on the small of her back and leading her around the corner.  
  
"If I pour salt on you will you die?" she asked him sharply, narrowing her eyes at him and his unwelcome contact on her back. He really was slimy, and his hair had more gel than was acceptable or essential, he was a true Neanderthal.  
  
"Ooh razor sharp tongue, be careful you don't cut me and with your quick as lightening whit I think I may burn up," He said sarcastically, laughing at her insults, he had been called a slug before. "Salt? I mean really. Is that the best you can do?" he questioned her. He rolled his eyes at her and laughed as she narrowed her eyes at him.  
  
"Well a much more creative option would be to castrate you with my nail file," she told him and watched him as he swallowed hard, admitting defeat. She smiled with satisfaction, "so are you going to tell me where to find my friend who has the misfortune of having to work in an environment that resembles a reptile house at the zoo?" she questioned him.  
  
"If you're referring to Witter his office is just here. But I must warn you that I am much more attractive than he is, and it may be hazardous to your health not to go out to dinner with me tonight," he told her. He leant on the doorframe and looked at her with a smile and a wink.  
  
"Oh puhlease come up with a better line than that, I mean have some originality for gods sake. You make a living out of being persuasive and I just... I feel like I want to be sick. If I was in the market for buying stock you just wouldn't be motivating me, I mean the way the markets are right now nothing would motivate me but your little clever talk you have is just pathetic. You call yourself a salesman come on I've seen a guy at a yard sale with more of a sales pitch then you," she told him, stopping when she heard a voice from behind her.  
  
"Be careful Rinaldi, this ice queen will set her saber-tooth tiger on you," he told him and laughed with him. Joey turned around slowly and glared at him. It was hard to keep the glare when she saw the grin on his face; his smug smile and he stood outside his office putting on his coat.  
  
"Bite me jackass," she retorted walking over to him and hugging him affectionately. It had been too long since she had seen him, almost two weeks. She looked at his face, his facial hair had grown on her, she might actually think about saying that maybe it was alright. It was trimmed and smart at least, but she still missed his face.  
  
"Maybe over lunch, You look ravishing," he responded releasing her from his grip and looking at her, raising his eyebrows at her. She looked beautiful in the outfit she was wearing, it accentuated every curve whilst still leaving a lot to the imagination.  
  
"In your dreams Witter," Joey told him, folding her arms over her chest and glancing at him. He was back to being the Pacey she knew, recently he had been a little different, but he was back as close to normal as he could get. Although she did have the irrepressible, urge to shave his beard off. It's not that she didn't like the beard but she missed his chin, she loved his chin and she missed it.  
  
"Every night, you know that. You, Victoria secret and a pair of handcuffs," he joked as he put his scarf around his neck and buttoned his coat. It was January, it was bright outside, but it was still cold.  
  
" Now that is how you banter," Joey said pointing at Pacey and turning to Rich. "You could learn something from Pacey, I never thought I would ever say that but then again I never met such a lousy flirt. I mean seriously come on do you ever get laid?" Joey asked him, shaking her head at him. Pacey had told her his boss was a pain in the ass but never how much of a pain in the ass, he was painful to look at he was so sleazy.  
  
"You burn me," Rich retorted, turning to Pacey and looking at him with a gaze if question. " Witter are you going to introduce me to your sharp tongued witty friend or should I just call her the angel of death?" he asked. He backed away from her slightly when he felt her eyes on him, stabbing through him with her look of ice.  
  
"Rich this is Joey Potter, Joey this is Rich Rinaldi," He told them, looking at his watch at it hit 12.02, he had 58 minutes for lunch and he was wasting it standing refereeing between his boss and his friend.  
  
"Nice to meet you," Rich told her, shaking her hand. He reeled in her touch; she had soft hands and a witty tongue, very attractive. Pacey Witter was a very lucky man.  
  
"Yes well I wish I could say the same but unfortunately the irrepressible feeling that you give me of nausea kind of diminishes it into obscurity," Joey told him with an innocent smile. It was true; he actually made her feel sick. She hated him, she had only met him but she hated him, she hated the way he looked down her blouse, the way that he smiled and especially the way that his cold touch made her skin crawl. "Come on Witter, take me to lunch, wine me, dine me, feed a starving student," she ordered, taking his wrist and looking at his silver watch that clung to him.  
  
"Ok, ok I'll feed you. See you later Rinaldi," Pacey said, draping his arm around Joey shoulder and walking along the corridor with her. She had outsmarted Rich Rinaldi, he didn't think it was possible, she was very commendable.  
  
Joey sat in a restaurant with Pacey, eating her lunch and drinking her champagne, the bubbles were going to her head, she was a very light drinker. She looked at Pacey and smiled, laughing lightly and looking back to her food. This was more than bizarre; she was sitting in a very expensive restaurant with Pacey Witter, who was wearing a suit. "What?" Pacey questioned looking up at her with a quizzical glance.  
  
"It's just... I was just thinking how bizarre this is, you're wearing a tie, you're in a suit, and we're drinking champagne. What is with this? You're Pacey Witter king of the combats," she told him and he laughed. His transformation was unbelievable, very different from the Pacey Witter who used to bug her and put frogs down her shirt when they were young.  
  
"Well I guess some people just need to change, I thought it was time Pacey Witter grew up a little bit. Y'know I like it that people see me a different way, instead of saying hey punk kid get outta here they say excuse me sir. It just feels like if you want a little bit of respect you have to change," he told her. He hung his head low and felt her eyes on him looking at him curiously. He gazed back into her and questioned her glance.  
  
"And is this new Pacey Witter, respected Pacey Witter, is he happy?" she asked him, putting her fork down and looking over the small table at him. He seemed happy but his eyes were troubled, he was incasing his pain within his tough exterior.  
  
"I am happy, it's a good job, amazing earning potential, gives me that adrenaline rush that I always wanted. Gives me a chance to really show my communication skills and passing the series 7's was a huge boost to me, proved I wasn't completely stupid," Pacey told her. He took a deep breath, wiping his mouth with the napkin and looked over to her. "It's just it's hard to be happy when you've ruined someone's personality. I mean I do not deserve to be happy after what I did to Audrey, how I hurt her and made her feel miserable all the time. I drove her to drink, drove her to drugs somehow, I made her feel that miserable Jo. I hurt everyone I touch," he told her sadly, it was true. Every relationship he ever had ended is disaster.  
  
"Pacey that's not true, it's not just you, Audrey has loads of issues apart from you. You aren't the basis of her drink problem Pace," Joey told him, furrowing her brow and taking his hand across the table. She rubbed her thumb over the soft skin of his knuckles and looked to him. His eyes were full of guilt and pain. "You don't need to feel guilty, it is not you. You are a great guy, you care about her if you didn't you wouldn't have that look in your eyes that kills me to see. You have to know that it isn't your fault," she told him and watched him shake his head. He didn't believe her, Audrey had said it was his fault and if she said it then it must have been true.  
  
"She said I was too involved with work and not enough with her. She was right, I got too preoccupied but all I wanted was to be successful, to make something of myself and to have something more. I didn't want to be the person she wanted me to be, I didn't want to be a guy who parties all he time and works for minimum wage in a restaurant his whole life. I wanted people to be proud of me and by doing that I pushed her away. But I did it deliberately, and that's the worst thing, I wasn't in love with her anymore and I think she knew that. Everything I touch, everybody I touch gets hurt," he told her sadly, looking up at her. He recognized her look, he knew that look, she was shaking her head and looking at him with that look.  
  
"Pacey, you are so wrong. Everyone who knows you loves you, you inspire people to be better people and sure you might screw up sometimes, you might say and do things that go wrong but everyone does. Look at me, look at my relationships, I'm hardly wonderful I make more mistakes than you do. What I did to you I could never forgive myself for, the way I hurt you was unforgivable, but you forgave me." she told him looking into him. He creased his brow and looked at her with confusion.  
  
"You didn't hurt me Joey, I hurt you. I hurt you by saying all those things I said about how you made me feel ands they weren't right. It was how I felt but it wasn't you. Then there was Andie, that's great that one, I actually sent her to the asylum. Tamara? I drove her out of town. I'm a failure at relationships and now I drove one to the drink. How can I let myself be happy when I've done so many bad things," he told her. Joey could see the guilt he was feeling. It felt like he had caused Audrey to break and shatter, at a time when she needed support he didn't give her it. He didn't support her and he didn't treat her as well as he should.  
  
"Pacey. You have to get past this feeling of guilt, not all of those things were your fault, most weren't your fault. You have to gain some perspective and get past it. Audrey is troubled, it's not just you, it's everything. You have to let yourself be happy. I know you want to be happy, I mean the promotion is so, so great and I am so proud of you. Don't think you can't be happy because of what happened with Audrey, these things happen Pacey," she told him softly, she looked at him and his smile widened a little. He still wasn't happy.  
  
"Joey I want to be, I mean I love the job and everything that comes with it I just feel this heavy feeling of guilt that I hurt her," he said, playing with the ring on his finger. He watched Joey as she looked at him; her brow constantly furrowed for him and she shook her head. Everything he said she disagreed with, she would argue black was white.  
  
"Pacey, you have to look at this differently. You need to be happy, Audrey is working things out on her own, but she is working things out. You just have to see the view from the moon," she told him. His expression was perplexed. She couldn't believe she had to explain the view from the moon to him, they all knew about the view from the moon, it had been a story they were told in kindergarten. "You don't remember view from the moon do you?" she asked him. When he shook his head, she rolled her large eyes at him. "Don't you remember it at all?" she asked him. Pacey tried to think but he couldn't, it wasn't making any sense al all. Joey sighed heavily and leant forward towards him. "Do you remember in kindergarten we had that teacher... Miss... Miss..." Joey snapped her fingers trying to remember. She couldn't believe she had forgotten her name, she needed to remember it.  
  
"Miss Williams... she had great legs," Pacey told her. Joey laughed at him, trust Pacey to remember her, even in kindergarten he was a lecherous toad.  
  
"Yes, Miss Williams. Anyway she told us this story about the man in the moon and every night when the sun would set the man in the moon would watch over the world as everyone slept. And every time anyone wished for something, he would try to make it come true. So one night this one girl wished that her mother would buy her a cat, a black cat with green eyes. The man in the moon looked down and saw that her mother had no money so he shone his light down and searched for a cat. He saw this one cat that had no home, no mom and no dad cat. So he led the cat to the door of the little girl and made it meow in the night," she told Pacey who leant forward on the table, still with a perplexed look in his face. "So the girl heard the meowing and went to the door to see what was there. She opened the door and was disappointed to see a ginger alley cat, it was not cute, it was not fury it was just on old cat that smelt. And she rejected it, but the man in the moon wouldn't let this happen, they needed each other. So night after night the cat came back and night after night, she rejected it. Anyway after a month of the cat calling at the door the girl still didn't want the cat so one night when it had been raining he put a deep mud puddle outside the girls' door. Anyway the cat walked through the puddle and walked to the door, scratching on it like every other night, the girl answered and saw this black cat with green eyes. So she smiled and picked it up, falling in love with this cat straight away, when she put the cat down her hands were clean. The cat had turned black with green eyes like she had wished. So the man in the moon was happy," Joey said finishing her story. Pacey opened his mouth then closed it again. He didn't understand.  
  
"So the morale of the story is what? Change to get what you want?" Pacey asked, it didn't seem like a very deep message to him. It seemed like a very shallow message.  
  
"No, it just means that.... Well... okay yes that does seem to be the point but that's not what I mean, I mean that the man in the moon gets this view over everything, over the whole world. The little girl got her cat and the cat got a loving home. So the view from the moon is this different perspective, something more than you can see, something that only the world can see, the moon because its so high in the sky. So what I'm saying is that you should look beyond what is in front of you. Audrey needs help and you need to be a success for your own self worth. So you should just forget about the guilt and concentrate on getting yourself to be happy because before you are happy you cant make Audrey happy. I mean you made me happy but in the end, it finished because you weren't happy with yourself. So just concentrate on yourself right now, concentrate on your career and making Pacey happy," Joey told him. Pacey smiled at her and shook his head, taking a drink of his champagne and placing it down slowly. He said nothing for a few moments and then he spoke.  
  
"How the hell do you get such a deep meaning out of such a crappy little kids story. I don't know how you do it, how you can be so amazing and turn things around," he told her, taking her hand and stroking it softly with his thumb, letting the warmth of her skin dissolve into his. He looked to her dark eyes and stared into them, a smile playing on her lips from his complement. She had learnt to take a complement in the last few years; sometimes she might even mutter a thank you instead of producing a scowl.  
  
"Well what can I say I'm a English lit major," Joey said shrugging her shoulders at him and continuing to finish her glass of champagne. Pacey looked at her for a moment, a moment too long and kicked himself forever letting her go. She deserved better than that Eddie guy, someone that really appreciated her and knew her, someone like him. 


	2. View From the Moon 2 Ego

VIEW FROM THE MOON CHAPTER 2 - EGO  
  
Joey stood at the bar waiting for some drinks to be poured out by the new bartender, she tapped her foot on the ground and scowled. She had been waiting for her drinks for ten minutes and punters were starting to get angry. The customers were parched for liquid as they stood in the fully heated, overcrowded bar. The new bartender was awful, she didn't know his name, but she thought it was Rupert or something English sounding. He wasn't leisurely, he wasn't slow, he wasn't snail-like, he was almost standing still he was so slow "Hey! Rupert!" Joey shouted at him leaning across the bar frustrated, running her fingers through her hair, she wanted to go home and have a bath, college all day and working all night was hard. "Rupert!" she shouted again and finally he turned his head. "I need three draught beers, five vodka chasers and two Budweiser's as soon as you can do it," she told him, shouting across the bar. Running her fingers through her hair she exhaled a deep breath, the bar was busy and it was just about to get busier; Emma's band was playing tonight, and the crowds started to flood in.  
  
"I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm new y'know," he shouted back Panicked. He had only been bartending for two hours and it was proving harder than he had first imagined. He watched as Joey slammed down her tray and marched down to Emma who was standing by the jukebox. He couldn't take the stress of that woman, she scared him.  
  
"Em. Don't we have anyone else who could do the bar? He is not going to cope when people flood in for your gig," Joey complained. She put her hand to her forehead and sighed heavily. The new bartender had a pretty face but a dumb mind and there was no way he was going to handle it at the rate he was working.  
  
"I'm sorry Joey but he's all we've got, really there isn't anyone else, except..." Emma said thinking and placing her finger on her chin. She knew Joey wasn't going to like her option but he was the only person that could even possibly do it. "Eddie is..." She started to explain.  
  
"Not on my life, no way in hell" Joey objected, cutting her sentence off. She shook her head violently; her eyes were hard and unforgiving.  
  
"Come on Joey, he's the only one and he's still in town," Emma begged her, joining her hands in prayer.  
  
"Fine! But I'm not happy about it and if he thinks he's going to get civil behavior out of me then he can rot in hell" Joey said walking away to retrieve her drinks from the bar. Eddie had better be a good boy tonight or she would have an emergency castration to perform. Ever since she found the Eddie behind his exterior she hadn't been too keen to see him; he ran away from his problems and didn't face them until it was too late.  
  
"Well then I'm glad you're fine with it," Emma shouted before heading out to the office to call him.  
  
"Rupert hurry up!" Joey shouted standing at the bar, slamming her tray down. She could see he was getting stressed, orders were being shouted quicker than he could possibly pour them out. She wanted to take pity on him but there was just no time.  
  
"Yeah Rupert hurry up!" A voice came from behind her; Joey closed her eyes and turned around slowly when she heard the female, slurred voice. Audrey was standing in front of her hanging over the bar drunk waiting for a drink, slamming her fists on the wood, and chanting. "Vodka, vodka, vodka..." Audrey chanted repeatedly whilst banging her fists at every syllable. She lay her head on the bar and continued to chant. Rupert stopped what he was doing and immediately zoomed his focus to her breasts, suddenly figuring out how to pour drinks quickly as she chanted for his assistance.  
  
"Audrey!" Joey shouted, walking over to her and lifting her head from the bar. Looking into her eyes, she saw she was very drunk. "You're drunk," Joey stated, helping her to sit on a stool, being careful to pull her skirt down as far as it would go. Audrey had been shopping and wore a very short, very tight, very low cut red leather dress with black fishnet stockings and high heels she was falling off of.  
  
"Well aren't you observant tonight," Audrey said saluting her friend and grabbing the vodka laid on the bar for her and handing some money over to Rupert. "Honey you keep me juiced up and there might be a treat in it for ya later," she told him, downing the vodka in one gulp.  
  
"Audrey you have to stop drinking, you're on stage tonight," she told her leaning on the bar and looking at her friend worriedly, she didn't know what to do. Audrey was in need of help and she couldn't give it.  
  
"And? The point is. Think of it all the best stars could take a drink... Courtney Love for example. Courtney Love is my hero, I don't care what people say, she had the guts to kill her husband, I wish I had her courage. She doesn't care what people think and that's just how I want to be," Audrey told her, trying to cross her legs but finding the skirt was too tight just sat still.  
  
"Come on Aud, why don't you have some coffee," Joey told her, taking the glass away from her and pouring it behind the bar down the drain.  
  
"Coffee? Coffee is not very rock and roll Joey; Vodka is what makes the world go round. Vodka, brandy, scotch, peach schnapps, tequila, gin, grand mariner and rum. It all helps the world go around, I can feel it," she told her, leaning on her shoulder. She could feel the world turning under her feet; it was almost as if the room spun around her vision. She had been drinking since lunchtime, taking a sneaky drink whenever no-body was looking. Joey looked at her, she couldn't believe what she had become, she was hiding an alcohol stash in the dorm somewhere, and she had to find it. Audrey turned her attention to the door when she heard it open and smiled when she saw Pacey walk in. "Pacey Witter!" she exclaimed standing up and walking over to him, falling on him when she reached him. "It Pacey everybody!" she shouted, clinging onto him as he caught her. "It's the most negligent boyfriend that ever lived. Yay!" she shouted at him, watching his deep eyes fill with frustration and anger at her.  
  
"Audrey, you're drunk," Pacey stated as he helped her to the bar, perching her on a stool. "You are completely out of it," he said, looking into her face. He didn't think he had ever seen her this drunk, he glanced over at Joey who rose her eyebrows at him. Audrey wasn't just drunk, her eyes were glazed over, it was more than alcohol.  
  
"She's singing tonight," Joey told him with her hands on her hips.  
  
"Yeah Pacey I'm singing, you've never heard me sing before because you don't give a shit so maybe tonight you can watch me," she told him, pointing her finger at his chest harshly. He covered his chest with his hand and rubbed the place that she had hit him. "And look how sexy I am, don't I look sexy?" she asked him twirling around and falling over, laughing as he caught her and stood her back up.  
  
"Audrey you look like a slut," Pacey told her. They were harsh words, but not untrue, she looked like a ten-dollar hooker.  
  
"I know, great isn't it. You, Pacey Witter, destroyed by vamp look. You ridded my closet of any alluring costume I had and replaced it with conservative ensembles, which I hate. But I don't have to answer to a stiff like you anymore, I have my own agenda," she told him, trying to stand up to him but wobbling on her high heels, catching herself on the bar. It was seven o'clock and already she was falling over, there was no way that she could sing tonight.  
  
"And what is that agenda? To kill yourself, to dig yourself an early grave? Because this is where it's heading Audrey, and I'm not going to let you do it, I'm not going to let you kill yourself!" he told her sternly, Joey looked on and frowned at the site. Pacey was trying to help her, he wanted to help her, but nobody could help her if she wouldn't help herself.  
  
"Well tough luck Pacey, I can't stop, even if I wanted to I can't. Maybe I want to be dead, have you ever thought about that?" Audrey asked him. Pacey opened his mouth about to say something but leaving it when he watched her run off in the direction of the bathroom.  
  
"What are we going to do?" Joey asked him and he shook his head at her, shrugging his shoulders. He didn't know what he could do; there was nothing he could do, not now.  
  
Joey stood at the bar with Pacey, ordering drinks from Rupert and Eddie. Professor Heston sat beside Pacey with his back to him talking to a woman, in awe of her figure. Joey glanced at them, why was it that she spent all day at college and when she got to work at night her professor was there, it was annoying. Why did he hang out in a student bar anyway, wasn't there a professor bar or something. Pacey had loosened his tie and taken his jacket off, it was hot, too hot, the heat was causing his tired eyes to close. He felt Joey's warm touch on his shoulder and turned from his beer to look at her. She wrapped her arm around him until he was almost in a headlock. "You alright pace? You look exhausted," she told him. His eyes looked tired. He looked a lot more tired than when she had lunch with him at the beginning of the week; she ran her fingers through his hair and ruffled it.  
  
"I am tired, Rich was a right ass today, in fact all week he's been an ass just thank holy god it's Friday tomorrow. Then I get a whole weekend off to sleep because this executive life? Ain't a picnic I can tell ya. Rich pulled me into his office today, now not only am I managing one account, I got two. Two big, fat stinking accounts," he told her, letting a loud yawn escape his mouth. It was good to know he was trusted, it just felt a lot of responsibility for a rookie.  
  
"And how is that bad?" Joey questioned with a perplexed look.  
  
"It's not, it's great it's just tiring that's all, but I'll survive, I will live to sell another day," he told her, smiling up at her. Joey looked down at him with a beautiful glance; the way she looked at him like that always gave him Goosebumps. She softened her eyes at him and a small lob- sided grin tugged at the corner in her lips before breaking out into a smile. He didn't know quite when she had first looked at him that way but he loved it, actually he did remember. It was when they were ten years old and he punched Paul Davis to stop him from putting sand down her shirt, that was the day he received his first kiss from her. His first kiss from anyone. Eddie snapped him out of his thoughts brutally.  
  
"Excuse me I'm just having a little bit of a hard time figuring things out here, how exactly is sitting on your big ass all day in a leather chair wearing a suit tiring?" Eddie asked, leaning on the bar and looking at Pacey. Pacey annoyed him, with his plush job and fancy car.  
  
"Eddie! And since when did it have anything to do with you?" Joey shouted at him objecting. She couldn't believe he just said that to someone he barely knew. She couldn't believe he would say that to anyone, especially someone he knew was her friend.  
  
"No I'm sorry, but surely it's just the same as sitting at the dog track all day betting on hounds. Stockbrokers are just rich, arrogant, glorified gamblers," Eddie told him stubbornly as he leant over and looked at Pacey smugly. Pacey shook his head at him, and zoned his hard eyes to him.  
  
"It's not the same thing," Pacey argued simply. Eddie was pushing his buttons and he was getting on his last nerve, one more word and his face wouldn't be so pretty anymore.  
  
"How? I mean you put money on a product and gamble, it's gambling that's all it is," Eddie said pouring out a beer and handing it to Joey who glared at him and slammed it down on the tray.  
  
"Eddie! Could you shut your mouth and stop being an ass to Pacey just because he's making a success in his life and you're too weak to do anything with yours. At least Pacey isn't afraid of himself," she told him. "Pace don't let him get to you, he's just being an ass, as always," she told him in his ear, kissing his cheek gently before giving Eddie a warning look and walking off. The touch of her lips on his cheek gave him warm shivers and the feel of her breath made the hairs on his neck stand on end.  
  
"So the difference is? Mr. big shot? Mr. daddy got me a job and daddy can buy me out of trouble whenever I want. What's the difference?" Eddie asked, leaning on the bar again, matching Pacey's glance. Pacey glared through him with his hard eyes, it would be so easy to introduce his face to the brick wall, but he was not going to scoop down to his level.  
  
"Ok, you got fifty bucks on a dog. It's won the last ten races and he's a pretty safe bet, he starts the race but halfway through you hear that he's got a problem with his leg and is weak, he's starting to lag behind. You have no option to wait it out, but imagine the dog is the stock. Halfway through you could sell your bet to someone else at a higher price than you paid and change it to a dog that lags behind. You're going to earn more money if he comes ahead so you risk it and you get the adrenaline rush as you watch your dog run past all the others and win the race. Hence earning you a lot of money. It's better than gambling, you can change your bet, it's not luck it's about knowledge. The adrenaline rush, the thrill, the feeling that you get is amazing," Pacey explained, Professor Heston stopped talking and turned around, watching their little power fight of words. It was actually quite riveting.  
  
" Sorry I still don't see how it's hard work," Edie said shaking his head as he cleaned a shot glass.  
  
"I have to work very hard at what I do to be a success, I worked my ass off, made my way up by selling as hard as I can. I talk to suits all day, I tell them what they want to hear but at the same time I gotta protect their investment because if I don't they're not gonna trust me. They gotta trust me, I gotta keep up with it all, gotta keep an eye on the stock, the research. Gotta keep the figures right there, gotta make sure I got what I need to do my job to the highest accuracy. I gotta make sure that my clients know I'm a good guy and not one of those sharks out there just in it to make a buck. I go in early and come out late, hard work and I'd like to see you do it if you think you're so clever," Pacey told him. Eddie rolled his eyes at him, and glared at him.  
  
"That's not hard, try doing what I do, serving people day in day out, breaking up fights, dealing with drunks every night instead of sitting behind a desk. What you do is not hard work, what I do is hard work," Eddie told him, throwing his cloth over his shoulder and resting on his arms.  
  
"Y'know what I'm sick of you and your attitude, I been there, I done that I bought and sold the T-shirt okay?" Pacey said standing up and grabbing Eddie by his collar of his shirt, pulling him over the bar to look at him, gritting his teeth. "I've done that, in my life I have been a sales assistant in a video store, I've been a deckhand sailing around the Caribbean, I've been a kitchen hand, a trainee cook, and I was damn good t it. My family isn't rich at all; I come from a very dysfunctional family where my father beat me on a daily basis growing up. For a guy that barely, and I mean barely, graduated from high school I think I'm doing pretty good. I was a loser just like you, I thought I was going to be pumping gas all my life but now I'm something. I might just be something for a little while but at least I can say that I tried, I hate guys like you that put people down for being a success!" Pacey told him, in a harsh whisper. "Now I suggest you shut your face before I have to wipe the grin off of it by introducing it into a brick wall," Pacey told him releasing his grip.  
  
"Violent much?" Eddie asked, ducting himself off. He glared at him, watching Pacey's intense glance. Pacey hated that guy; he wanted to punch his light's out for being an ass.  
  
"Only with people like you, I mean you put people down for doing something with their life and then when you have the chance you don't take it. How pathetic is that? You're scared of anyone who is doing something," Pacey told him. Joey looked over to them and shook her head, Eddie was way out of line tonight, but she was glad Pacey hadn't punched his lights out.  
  
"Okay, not to interrupt here but I think it would be fun just to throw a spanner in the works," Professor Heston said putting his hands between them and parting them. He sat back down and they both looked him curiously. "This is not about your job Pacey... that's your name right? Pacey?" He asked and he nodded. " This is about the lovely Miss Potter over there. You see I'm an observant kinda guy and I just happened to notice that Mr. Doling over here didn't have a bad word to say until she came over with her pouty little lips and put her arm around you. It's a clear-cut tale - jealousy. You are jealous because you think this chump here - no offence," He told Pacey who just dismissed the comment and looked at Eddie with satisfaction. "This chump obviously has a very close bond with Miss Potter and she hates your guts right now. You're pissed off because this guy here seems to have a better bond, more guts and better dress sense," He said and smiled, he loved analyzing situations, especially ones that made Eddie look dumb.  
  
"Y'know I did date Joey for a year, I know her pretty well and I know she isn't shallow. If Eddie knew her, too he would know that. Of course if Eddie knew her he would know that and that the way to keep a classy woman like her is to treat her right and not just walk away," Pacey told him. He turned his head to look at Heston who looked back at him with a smile on his face.  
  
"What is this? Pick on Eddie day?" he asked as he walked away to serve some girls at the opposite end of the bar. Heston watched him leave and laughed lightly as he took another drink. Heston glanced over at Pacey and smiled at him.  
  
"What's going on?" Joey asked walking over to them and putting the tray on the bar. "It looked like you were in fisticuffs again. Pacey you're my friend and I love you but he's the only bartender who is any use tonight and I don't want him to walk out on me before closing time. So just keep the urge to kill him under wraps until it gets a little quieter okay?" she asked looking at him threateningly.  
  
"I'm sorry but that guy is an..." Pacey tried to defend himself  
  
"I know, he's an ass. Nevertheless, he is the bartender okay. I'm sorry but just lay off it for a minute, I promise that when he leaves you can follow him down the alley and body slam him into the wall to your hearts content. But for now keep Pacey Witter bad-ass stud and man about town under wraps for me okay? Don't be a naughty stockbroker," she pleaded and smiled when he laughed throatily a little. "Good," She said before walking over to Eddie and pulling him by his wrist over the bar. "You! Behave! Don't make me come over this bar and kick your ass back to Worchester!" she threatened him a lot more harshly than she had Pacey. He nodded with agreement and looked to the stage as the gig started. Joey walked back over to Pacey and put her arm around him, lowering her mouth to his ear. "This should be fun," she shouted into his ear to make herself heard above the loud music.  
  
Everyone looked onto the stage as Audrey started a rendition of Madonna's Papa Don't Preach, where normally the crowd would go wild a silence was heard. She continued to sing, jumping around, swinging the microphone in the air by the chord, and releasing it. She let it fly, spinning through the air, travelling until it hit Joey on the head, sending her to the floor with a thump.  
  



	3. View From The Moon 3 In THe Dark Of The...

View From The Moon 3 - In The Dark Of The Night  
  
Emma stood above Joey who was sitting on a chair beside Pacey who was holding ice to her eye, taking it off, grimacing at it them placing it back on gently. She placed her hands on top of Pacey's and removed the ice. Pacey and Emma look at it and grimaced at the sight, her eye was almost closed, red and looked very painful. Emma looked at her and raked her fingers through the pink streaks in her hair. The bar had closed but still Joey sat on the seat nursing her head. "Joey get yourself off I'll close up for you tonight," she told her. Joey probably had a concussion; it was lucky she wasn't knocked unconscious by the force of the microphone.  
  
"No, it's okay, I'm fine it's just a bruise, get home," she said, standing up and grabbing the broom, Pacey quickly took it from her and pushed her back onto the seat. Emma opened her mouth, but before words could produce themselves, Joey spoke, cutting her off. "Go! I'll be fine, really, it wont take long," she reassured her.  
  
"Okay, I'll see you at home Pacey," she said, picking up her bag and walking out of the bar. There was only Pacey and Joey left in the bar now, Eddie had volunteered to drive Audrey home before he headed back to his cockroach-infested apartment. Rupert had left too, Eddie had certainly helped him with his bartending skills, he actually knew how to pour the drinks as they were ordered.  
  
"Don't even think of getting up missy!" he told her, pointing his finger at her as he walked over to the door and turned the signs to closed. He rolled his sleeves up and began to push the large broom around the floor, sweeping all the rubbish on the floor into one place.  
  
"Pacey you don't have to do that, it's not your job, I'll do it," Joey told him, standing up again and walking over to him, grabbing the broom from him. Pacey looked at her and rolled his eyes at her. "What?" Joey asked, pausing from her sweeping to look at him.  
  
"I'll do that Joey, you sit down. You only have one working eye I'll have it done quicker," he said taking the broom back from her and continuing his work. He hadn't forgotten how to clean up a restaurant after closing time, however Hells Kitchen was the worst, broken bottles and glasses littered the floor.  
  
"Well I'll do the bar then," she told him, walking over to the bar and starting to wipe it down. They stood comfortably in a silence for a few minutes, only the sound of the sweeping of the broom remained in the atmosphere. "I'm really sorry about those things Eddie said tonight Pace, he was so out of line. I mean I can't believe he said those things, they weren't true," she told him as she cleared behind the bar. Eddie had said some horrible things to Pacey, more than just about his job too, some awful things.  
  
"Joey it's not your place to apologize for him, he's a pain in the ass. The things he said weren't really about me anyway," Pacey told her. He put the contents that he found on the floor onto a shovel and put it in the bin. He leant the broom up against the wall and walked over to the bar, sitting on a barstool, and looking at her. She dragged the cloth over the wooden surface of the bar, her watched her as she swept it rhythmically to the sound of the music on the jukebox. He loved watching her as she danced to the music without even knowing it.  
  
"Hold on if it wasn't about you then what was it about?" Joey questioned him, looking up at him and his face. He was smiling at her, not for any reason that she could think of.  
  
"Well, it was more to do with you, about you and I, and the fact that we're close friends," Pacey told her, grabbing her hand and stopping her from cleaning the surface. Her hands were always soft, she never did anything to make them soft, it was just one of lives mysteries but they always felt like velvet tom him.  
  
"Well he's stupider than I first thought, I mean he's a jackass, a complete jackass," Joey said shaking her head, looking down at her hand where his still lay, and covering it with his own. Somehow Pacey had the ability to make her feel him all the way through. He had the ability to, without words, make her remember just what it was like to be with him.  
  
"Hey I thought I was the jackass? You've replaced me?" Pacey questioned her a little offended. She threw the rag at him, hitting him in the face. "Ok that's it Potter, you do not throw things at Pacey Witter without a severe payback," Pacey said releasing his hand from hers and jumping over the bar to stand beside her. "Ok now that I'm over here I don't know what to do. I thought of doing something utterly mean but now I cant think of anything. You have rendered me dumb," Pacey told her truthfully. Stroking his goatee as he thought, and laughing slightly at his stupidity.  
  
"I thought you were already dumb, I didn't think that was my doing," Joey told him, screaming when he wrapped his arms around her, restraining her from any movement. "You don't know what to do now that you've got me here do you?" She questioned and he shook his head, laughing lightly. "Well maybe you should think these things out before you do them," she told him. "Now you're here with nothing to do, I mean you're looking pretty stupid right now. I mean that facial, hair looks pretty stupid anyway but the fact that you're looking a little lost also adds to the allusion," she said with a hint of amusement in her voice as he let her go and she walked away from him. "Oh my god," Joey whispered as a smile crept onto her face. The last song of the night started to play on the jukebox, her smile got wider and she chuckled at it as she picked up the cloth and walked to the other side of the bar.  
  
"What?" Pacey asked her, following her and helping her to lift the chairs onto the tables. He remembered this song, sixpence none the ritcher's version of kiss me, every time it played he thought of her. He put the last chair on the table, as most were done already, and walked over to her slowly.  
  
"You don't remember what I remember?" Joey asked him curiously, creasing her brow at him. If he had forgotten then it would almost break her heart.  
  
"Sure I do," Pacey told her walking to her and taking her hand in his. "If what yore thinking of is August?" he questioned and she smiled nodding her head. "Beginning of august?" he questioned and she nodded. "True love was in the harbor, all tied up, we were in Florida. That what you were thinking?" Pacey asked as he looked at her face. She looked to the floor shyly, brushing her hair behind her ear. She nodded slowly and let a small smile grace her lips. "Someone in the next boat was playing this song and I walked up to you and I, pulled you by your waist to dance with me. Which by the way was a totally romantic gesture for me, seen as I don't dance and all," Pacey told her and she looked to him. She chewed on her bottom lip as she remembered.  
  
"Well come on Witter, we're wasting our song," she told him. He smiled and grabbed her by her waist, pulling her close to him, joining one hand with hers, and supporting her back with the other. She smiled as she placed her free hand on his shoulder and rested her head to his chest. "I'm surprised you remembered," she told him, closing her eyes. It felt good to have him close to her again, even if it was just for a moment, made her forget the bad and only remember the good.  
  
"I couldn't forget, I remember everything about that trip, every day, every minute is embossed in my mind. It was the only time that I really felt like the person I was, that Pacey Witter, really was okay. The first time that I felt comfortable being in my own skin," he told her and she looked at him softly.  
  
"Pacey, you don't have to be anybody but Pacey for anybody. Pacey Witter is a great - no scrap that - Pacey Witter is an amazing guy. He might let himself down, he might cheat himself but he never stops being Pacey and he never deliberately hurts a soul," Joey told him. "And..." Joey started to speak but was cut off by the jukebox clicking, the song finished and dipped the room into a silence, only the buzz of the lights remained. "And it's home time," Joey told him pulling herself away from his embrace. Feeling the coolness of the air as his arms removed themselves from her body.  
  
"Yeah it's late," Pacey said picking up his jacket from the pool table and walking towards the door, leaning against it. "Do you want to stay at my place tonight?" Pacey asked her, watching as she switched the light off and walked towards him in the darkness.  
  
"Why would I want to do that?" Joey asked him curiously, almost bumping into him in the twilight. She looked up at him and questioned him with her eyes.  
  
"Audrey, she seemed a little bit dangerous tonight, maybe you should just stay at my place incase," Pacey told her, casually playing with the hair that fell down to her shoulders. He was a little worried to let her go home to her alone, when Audrey left she was in a state, half passed out but also quite violent, kicking and screaming.  
  
"I think it'll be okay, she'll probably be asleep now anyway but thanks for the offer," she told him, pushing him out the door and standing out in the street with him locking the door. She struggled to find the keyhole in the dark, with her sore eye.  
  
"Come here Potter," Pacey said, taking the key and locking the door, checking it was safely secured and handing the keys back to her. Joey stood beside him with her arms folded, shivering in the cold, Pacey placed the jacket over her shoulders and looked down on her as she smiled. "Do you want me to drive you home?" he asked her, touching her face. He inspected the bruise on her face; it was going to be a hell of a shiner tomorrow, even with all the ice.  
  
"It's only a five minute walk Pacey, I can walk it I'm fine. But I'll see you later," Joey told him handing his jacket back. It was nice of him to offer but it was a walk she made almost every night.  
  
"Then it'll only take a few minutes to drive you won't it?" Pacey offered. She smiled at him gently, giving in, it was a cold night, and she appreciated the offer. She walked with Pacey across the street and got into his car.  
  
Pacey pulled back the covers of his bed and picked up his pillow, fluffing it between his hands. As he fluffed his pillow he heard a light rapping sound, dropping his pillow he walked over to his door and opened it, peeking out into the hall, he still heard the light rapping. He walked out of his room and ran down the spiral staircase, across the living room and to the front door. Looking through the spy hole, he saw a tall, dark- haired figure with her back to the door. He took the chains off the door and opened it, leaning against the doorframe in his pajama bottoms and tank top. Joey turned around slowly, swallowing the lump in her throat and wiping away the tears that appeared in her eyes. "Joey? What are you doing here?" Pacey questioned her curiously with worry. He stepped aside and let her walk into the apartment, looking the door back up.  
  
"Is the offer still open?" Joey asked him and watched as he nodded slowly. After what had just happened she needed somewhere to stay and this was the only place she could think of. Her only safe haven.  
  
"Can I get you a drink?" He asked her, and she shook her head. "What happened?" Pacey asked her curiously. She had been crying, she was still crying, something must have happened.  
  
"I don't really want to talk about it, I just want to go to sleep if that's okay," she told him. She didn't want to go through the ordeal of explaining it to him; it would only hurt him just as much as it hurt her. She couldn't hurt Pacey in that way, it was better to keep quiet.  
  
"Sure, come on," He told her, taking her by the hand and leading her up the stairs and into his bedroom. He went to his drawer and picked out his pajama shirt, handing it to her. "Here you can sleep in this, I'll just get some pillows and stuff and I'll be out of your hair okay?" he asked her but she grabbed his hand as he walked away.  
  
"Stay?" she asked and he nodded, getting into bed and turning his back to her whilst she changed. He heard her clothes falling to the floor and swallowed hard lump that resided in his throat; he didn't need to imagine what was under her clothes. He remembered what she looked like underneath her clothes and often wondered if she still looked the same. He felt her body slip under the covers beside him, he turned around and leant on his elbow looking at her with curiosity. "Hold me?" she asked him. Pacey lifted his arm up and she slipped underneath it, curling her body up next to his and resting her hand on his chest. She felt him lock his arm around her and exhaled at the familiar, safe feeling that she missed.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked her, glancing down and swiping her hair from her face, resting it behind her ear. Her eyelashes rested against her cheeks and her breathing became almost rhythmic. He closed his eyes and attempted to drift off to sleep. It was hard with her laying on his chest, feeling her breath absorb through the material that covered his chest. He wondered why she had come, what had happened so severe she couldn't sleep in her own bed. It wasn't that he minded her being there, he liked it, he always liked having her close but still he wondered why she had come to him in the middle of the night.  
  
Joey opened her eyes and looked up at Pacey's face. His eyes were closed, eyelashes resting against his face, his fingers stayed entwined in her hair and his chest moved under her smoothly. She looked back to his chest and breathed deeply, feeling his fingers as they moved through her hair, she opened her mouth then closed it again. She wanted tot talk to him but she didn't want to wake him. "Are you awake?" Joey whispered softly.  
  
"Yeah," Pacey whispered softly. "You ready to talk about it?" he asked her softly and she nodded. Moving her body further up the bed so that she was face to face with him. She could see his eyes in the dark of the night, gazing down at her deeply, awaiting a explanation of why she had come to him. his eyes zoned into hers and ridded her of her fears, he had a way of doing that.  
  
"I went into the dorm and Audrey was with Eddie," Joey told him, looking down, away from his deep questioning eyes. Pacey looked to her confused, he didn't understand. "They were together... Audrey and Eddie were having sex... they were having sex in my bed," She told him, with tears in her eyes. It had just felt like the final nail in the coffin, a brutal stab in the back. She remembered the moment she had found them; she had walked up to her door alone after Pacey had dropped her off outside her building. It had taken a few minutes to find her keys in her bag; she had passed tissues, jellybeans, lipstick, and all kinds of things before she located them in the bottom of her purse. She had walked up to the door slowly in hope that Audrey would be asleep when she got in, she wasn't ready for a drunk confrontation at that time of night. She had taken a deep breath and opened the door, slowly pushing it so as not to wake her. She need not have worried about waking her, she was most definitely not sleeping and nor was Eddie. He was lying on top of her, in her bed, thrusting into her as if his life depended on it. After standing still for a moment she had closed the door just as gently as she had opened it and walked down the corridor. She couldn't believe what she had just seen. She couldn't believe she would do that to her, she couldn't believe he would do that to her. It was then that she decided that there was only one place and one person she could turn to. She looked up at Pacey who stared at her confused; he didn't know what to say.  
  
"Joey I'm so sorry, are you alright?" Pacey asked her inquisitively. He could see the pain in her eyes and wished he didn't have to watch her like that. She was hurt, normally he would have been hurt too, but he was too concerned right now.  
  
"I'm fine I just... I keep thinking. How could she do that to me? How could he do that to me? And I keep thinking why does no-one care about me? Why Pacey?" She asked him, letting a tear roll slowly down her cheek.  
  
"Joey, I care about you," He told her truthfully, so soft it was almost as if he never said the words. Catching the tear on his hand, he let it dissolve into his fingerprints slowly. She lifted her eyes to look into his and searched them.  
  
"You really do care, I think you're the only one that truly does. You are the only man I have ever been able to rely on," she told him, moving her body so that she hovered above him. "When I think back you have always been there for me when no-body else was. Eddie doesn't care at all. Dawson was selfish, we might tiptoe around it but its true, he was selfish. I am not even going to start on my father but you..." Joey said, gently letting her fingers fall to his cheek, as he looked at her deeply.  
  
"I hurt you, I walked away," Pacey told her sadly, shaking his head. He didn't care what she thought, he was no hero, if anything what had done to her was lower than low.  
  
"But you came back, that's what matters and you're here again for me, just like you always have been. I never stopped loving you Pacey," she told him. He swallowed a lump in his throat and liked his lips nervously. "Sometimes I think of when we were together and I cant help but think that when I was with you, when we were together. It was the only time I felt right with anyone, the first time that I felt so connected with someone that nothing we went through could ever be too hard not to make it through. But we didn't make it through and that is one thing I regret. Sometimes I just wish that just for one night I could feel that close again. So close to you that I cant even tell who's part of who, y'know," Joey asked, moving her face closer to him, lowering her mouth to his and kissing him gently.  
  
"Joey," Pacey mumbled, gently pushing her face away from his. "What are we doing here?" he asked her perplexed, she had just kissed him. It was no innocent kiss it was a very dangerous kiss, the kind of kiss that made him forget what was right and what was wrong.  
  
"I'm kissing you, if you didn't notice then I'm doing something wrong," She joked lowering her lips to hers and kissing him again, deeper this time. She explored his mouth with hers, feeling his hands as they dived into her hair, just like they used to do.  
  
"Joey, no!" Pacey said firmly, removing his face from hers and sitting up in bed. This was something he could not do. "You're hurt, you're upset and you seem to forget that where you're concerned I really lack the restraint. I can't say no," he told her. It was true, once it was started there was no way he could stop, he could never control himself around her. The urge to kiss her was stronger than he cared it to be.  
  
"I don't want you to say no, I want you to say yes," she told him, pulling her head off the pillow and kissing his lips. Before her lips could reach his Pacey raised his hand to her mouth and covered her lips with his fingers, stopping her.  
  
"So what are we talking about here? What is this?" Pacey questioned her. She was nothing if not confusing, the urge to kiss her was getting stronger by the minute, but the regret he could feel by doing it was overpowering.  
  
"One night. You and me, one night, one night of you making amazing love to me. Followed by a morning of what I believe you like to call... canoodling," she told him, straddling him gently, watching him as he smiled softly at her. "You take the day off work which I am very sure I will have no problem with persuading you to do and then just having a day of doing whatever is fun. Then we'll have dinner and say goodbye thus forgetting it forever and moving on," she said kissing his lips softly and lifting his shirt over his head. She moved her mouth to his neck, sending shivers through him as her warm lips met his cool skin, he could feel the blood rushing away from his head and heading south very quickly.  
  
"Y'know this is a very bad idea right? I mean this is not like you Potter, I mean this is like... well," Pacey said beginning to think as she kissed his throat. "Well come to think of it this is the kinda stupid stunt I would pull. The kind of casual sex agreement I would come up with and receive a very painful ear bending for from you who thinks casual sex is both immoral and stupid. Which it is, I mean one night? Like a one-night stand? That's wrong Joey, you know you are just using me to get back at him," he told her and she pulled away shaking her head.  
  
"Y'know Pacey, I don't believe you!" Joey shouted in a whisper. Pacey climbed out of bed and stood in front of the door before she could leave. "You're right I am hurt, I am in pain but have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe this isn't a casual thing? That maybe I just want to feel the way I felt when I was with you because since we broke up I... I have had nothing as good you in my life. And just for one day I want that back, just to remember that not everything in life ends up sour," she told him, hanging his head. Pacey walked to her and entrapped her lips on a powerful kiss, marching her backwards towards the bed. It was wrong, it was going to confuse their relationship but he didn't care at that moment, all rational thought fluttered out of his head as her lips and hands roamed his body.  
  



	4. View From The Moon 4 You Dont Have To Sa...

View From The Moon 4 You don't have to say you love me  
  
Joey lay in Pacey's bed sleeping, she hugged the covers to her greedily and rested her head on the pillow gently, sleeping soundly. Last night had been a dream to her, the closeness was sensational, and the feeling of tranquillity had returned to her as they lay in the night sleeping soundly. Pacey tried to get dressed in silence, he had no desire to wake her and talk to her, afraid of the awkwardness. He looked over to her as he fastened his shirt, gazing at her steadily breathing and the small wheezing sound that escaped her mouth. She hadn't changed, she still slept the same, still hogged the covers, still moved in her sleep and still managed to get into the strangest positions. He had awaken this morning, she slept against his chest, her fingers entwined in his own. He picked up his trousers from the floor and began to put them on as his eyes looked to her and smiled at the sight as she hogged the covers. Putting his trousers on slowly in silence, he tripped, falling headfirst into the door, waking Joey with a shot, starring at him she laughed. "What are you doing on the floor Pacey?" Joey questioned him, laughing at the sight before her as he pulled himself back to his feet.  
  
"I fell," Pacey told her simply, laughing as he put his trousers on and fastened them, walking over to her he sat on the bed. "Sleep well?" he asked her as he brought his foot to the bed and out his socks and shoes onto his large feet.  
  
"Yes thank you but I'm a little bit confused because you seem to be getting dressed for a day at the office," Joey told him, sitting up in bed covering herself with the sheets. "I thought you were going to stay at home with me today," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. Pacey took a deep breath and pulled her hands from around his neck with his hands. "Something's wrong," Joey stated. She watched him as he took a deep breath and looked at her hands and played with her soft skin.  
  
"I can't do this Joey, it's not right. Last night was great, y'know it was amazing but it's just not right and I just... Joey... I can't do this," Pacey said shutting his eyes and shaking his head. He looked up at her as she pulled her hand away from him slowly. "Last night I... well... we," Pacey took a deep breath and stood up, running his fingers through his hair. "Last night you were so hurt, and you were upset. And I am a horrible, horrible, despicable, bad excuse, terrible, awful, awful human being," Pacey told her looking at her. In his eyes, what he had done was lower than low, it was one of the worst things he had ever done. "You were fragile and I... I took advantage of you Joey, and I am so, so sorry I did," Pacey told her sincerely walking back over to her and kneeling beside the bed, taking his hand in her own. She looked down at him and placed her hand on his cheek gently, he had a look of sadness in his eyes, he felt bad.  
  
"Pacey you didn't take advantage of me okay? You and I knew exactly what we were doing last night; we both went into it with our eyes wide open. You gave me what I wanted, what I needed, you gave me a night of closeness, a night with all the tenderness I remember. You did nothing wrong Pacey, I put you in a very awkward position, if anyone did anything wrong it was me so you should not feel guilty," Joey told him placing a gentle kiss on his temple. "So how about you take those clothes off and join me back in bed for the rest of the day," she told him smiling as she leant over the bed to look at him.  
  
"I can't I have to call our deal off, it's not right Joey, it's not like you it's completely immoral, arrangements like this always end badly. I don't want to feel weird around you, we have a really great thing between us, and I don't want to ruin things. Last night... what we did... it was a huge mistake Joey," Pacey told her softly. He looked at her face as it fell, she shifted backwards on the bed away from her and grabbed her clothes from the floor, still hugging the sheet around her, she felt stupid.  
  
"So last night meant absolutely nothing to you, it meant nothing," Joey said to him angrily, letting a tear roll down her cheek as she gathered her things. Pacey rushed over to her, running around the bed to face her.  
  
"God Joey, no! That is not what I meant, sleeping with you could never mean nothing to me," he told her grabbing her shoulders and looking to her deeply. "Last night meant everything to me, being that close to you, holding you, making love to you meant everything to me," he told her, pulling her back as she tried to walk away from him.  
  
"Well I'm sorry but that's not how it sounded. Y'know last night meant everything to me Pacey, being with you again felt right to me but if it meant that little to you then that's just fine," she said. She slipped away from him and started to get dressed in the clothes she was wearing the night before. He walked to her and put his hand on her cheek, she turned away from him and stood up in her bra and jeans. "No! Just get your hands off me! I can't believe that what we did, meant nothing to you. I can't believe you feel that after all we went through I cannot believe that I mean nothing to you!" Joey shouted at him, letting the tears fall from her eyes.  
  
"Joey you're not listening to me! You meant everything... what we did meant everything... it means everything to me!" Pacey told her, taking her head in his hands and looking directly into her eyes. "This deal we have is wrong which is crazy because I don't think that I have ever felt as right as I did with you last night," Pacey said softly. He rubbed his thumbs over the soft skin that resided on her cheeks.  
  
"Then why stop this? Pacey if it felt so right then why not. We both want comfort, we both want to be held so why not, its one day out of our lives to feel that closeness we can't find with anyone else. I'm not asking you to have a relationship with me I'm just asking that we can have a little time to be together and to be held," Joey said, looking into his eyes as she spoke. All she wanted was a little closeness, to feel the love she missed. To have Pacey just for one day, to have the missing piece of her life back for just one day.  
  
" Joey I love you, I have never stopped loving you. It has taken me so long to even make myself believe that I am starting to get over you and by going any further with this I'm going to get hurt. I don't just want to sleep with you Joey, if I'm going to sleep with you I want it to be in a relationship, not just sex. I want to be with you so much Joey, I know you are that one person. You're the one person that changes everything, the one person that I can see myself with for the rest of my natural born life," Pacey told her. He let out a small sigh and looked back to her eyes deeply. Her expression was one of confusion and sudden surprise. She opened her mouth, then closed it again without letting anything escape. She couldn't say anything, not a word, she didn't know what to say, it was a lot to take into her head. " Joey I love you, I have been in love with you since I was fifteen years old, I may not have shown but it killed me when you rejected me. I know that when you said last night that you loved me you meant it. I know that we're going to be together at some point but all I know is that its not now. You're hurt, you just broke up with Eddie, and last night you saw your best friend having sex with him. Going through with this deal is crazy because all that's going to happen is I'm going to want you even more than I already do. I'm going to fall even more in love with you and when I do, it's going to be so hard to see you with anyone else but me! I can't hurt myself like that again, I can't go through what I went through when we broke up," he told her shaking his head and exhaling deeply. He was ready to continue his words were cut off immediately as he opened his mouth.  
  
"Well excuse me but it was you that walked away - not me!" she told him angrily, moving away from him and shaking her head.  
  
"I needed to let you go, I needed to find myself, find who I was because I felt below you. I felt so below you and unworthy of your love that I found it hard to breathe when I was with you!" Pacey shouted back at her. "Joey, I couldn't let you touch me because I felt so dumb, and so numb all the time, I felt empty and I had to find who I was," he told her, taking her hand. She stared at it a moment, reeling in his warmth, before pulling her hand away from him and walking around the room, putting on her shirt.  
  
"And you think that now that you know who you are, now that you found yourself, that it's okay to want me back? To recall me, to summon me back to your side?" Joey asked him, creasing her brow and looking at him, awaiting his explanation.  
  
No!" Pacey shouted shaking his head. " No! No its not, I don't want to want you, I have tried to forget you but I can't. I try to get rid of these feelings but I cant. Every second I'm with you, every time you touch me a shiver, my knees turn weak and I forget to breathe. Every logical thought goes out of my head whenever you look at me, I can't deal with it. I just want..." Pacey paused and exhaled a deep breath, calming down his voice and kneeling beside the bed where she sat. "I just want you to forget what I just said and just let things go back to what they were before last night. I want us to be friends again, because it's just, it's wrong. I just want to be friends again Jo," Pacey told her softly, looking at her expectantly. The room was silent for a while as she thought, swallowing a lump in her throat as tears fell. It was too hard.  
  
"We can't," Joey told him sadly, furrowing her brow and looking into his eyes. "Not after what you just said, that changes everything," She said sadly, gazing into his eyes, full of hurt and pain.  
  
"But I don't want it to," Pacey said, taking her hand in his and looking up to her face. "I am not going to let myself get hurt again, I can't go back to that place where I don't have the strength to lift my head off the pillow in the morning. We cant be together right now, but I cant bear to think of what my world would be without you in it," Pacey told her. He swallowed the lump that grew inside of his throat, threatening to create his liquid emotions in his eyes.  
  
"What are you saying!" Joey shouted confused, standing up and pacing around the room, holding her hand to her forehead. " What do you want from me Pacey! Do you want me to go? Is that what you want?" Joey shouted even louder, probably waking Jack in the next room if he wasn't awake already.  
  
"No!" Pacey shouted back softly, walking to her and putting his hands on her cheeks again, sandwiching her face between his hands.  
  
"You want me to stay?" Joey asked confused again as she gazed at him. He didn't even know what he wanted.  
  
"Yes!" Pacey told her, leaning his forehead to hers.  
  
"As what? What do you want?" Joey asked him, pulling away from his grip to walk alone again. Pacing in circles around the floor of his bedroom. " Pacey I..." Joey exhaled and sat down on the bed, relaxing herself. This conversation was going no-where, it just took them in circles. "I need to breathe is what I need," Joey told him placing her head in her hands again, leaning on her knees as she sat on the bed. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither speaking, only breathing. Pacey sat on the chair at the other side of his room, looking at her; he couldn't figure what she was thinking. " What do you want from me right now?" she questioned him, finally lifting head to gaze at him lightly, a look of question crossed her face.  
  
"I want our friendship back," Pacey told her softly and quietly. He looked to her and she had a look of confusion.  
  
"Just the friendship?" She questioned him again. It was hard to read between his lines, it was hard to figure out what he truly wanted. She didn't know what she truly wanted, her feelings contradicted each other, on one hand, she needed his friendship, and on the other, she wanted his heart. But on a third hand, if there was such a thing, she was confused, she was fragile, and she had just broken off a relationship.  
  
"Yes," Pacey told her. It was what he wanted; he wanted what was best for her. "Joey you're not in the right place to be anything more," he told her, walking over to her and sitting beside her on the bed, not touching.  
  
"I know, I know," Joey told him shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. " I know that you're right. It's just hard to take in what you just told me and understand why you don't want to be with me," she said, turning her face to his. The faces were just inches apart, she was finding it hard to resist the urge to join her lips with his and kiss him.  
  
"I do," Pacey said softly, grabbing her hand, sandwiching it between his. "But we're not in the right place and I don't want anything you don't want," he told her, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it.  
  
"I want to be with you Pace, I do," Joey told him truthfully, looking down to the ground, unable to meet his intrusive eyes. "It's just hard. It's so much to take in, what you just told me was..." Joey said before exhaling and searching for her words. She shrugged her shoulders as she thought of the implications of what she was saying. " It was... huge. And I'm not ready for a relationship right now, not yet, not so soon," She told him, shaking her head as she still gazed at the floor. She wanted him, she truly wanted him but something was stopping her, she didn't know if it was fear or the fact that she had just broken up with Eddie, but something stopped her.  
  
"I know, I know it was huge but... it just came out. I didn't mean to tell you, I didn't want to change things between us. Last night was rebound sex, you can say it was something different but it was rebound sex. Not just for you but maybe even for me too, and that's why it's not healthy. I cant be a rebound guy... not to you. And you cant be a rebound girl for me; you are too special to be a rebound. It has to mean more and I understand I have to wait but you have to know that I will wait. Dawson may be your soul mate but you are mine. So I will wait, but I just want our friendship back," Pacey told her, grabbing the hand that stayed in her lap. He felt a tear tumble from her eyes as she felt the pain of the words she was about to say.  
  
"I cant be friends with you Pacey. I'm sorry," she told him, grasping his hand tighter and letting tears slip from her eyes and rolling to the ground slowly. " It just doesn't work that way, it cant work, not after what you just said," she told him regretfully, unable to look at him. She could almost feel his pain and almost hear his heart shatter as the words came out of her mouth, vulnerable in the air.  
  
"Why?" Pacey asked in a whisper, feeling the heat that rose in his eyes, trying to ignore it. Blinking away the heat only brought the tears into his eyes, threatening to break at one more word.  
  
"Because every time were together I'll wonder if you're just being my friend because you want something more," she told him, moving her hand away from his and looking at it. She wished she hadn't she saw the hurt in his eyes heard the pain as he spoke.  
  
"Joey that's not true, I was your friend long enough when I loved you before," he told her softly, willing the tears not to fall.  
  
"I didn't know before," she argued, swallow the tears in her throat.  
  
Joey just I... I..." Pacey stuttered, unable to speak above a whisper. "I can't lose you, I need you in my life. And if you tell me that there is no chance that we will ever be together then I will still be here for you as a friend. I will, I'll still be here," He reassured her, looking to her as she sat beside him, tears silently falling from her eyes and splashing onto her knees.  
  
"But that's the point Pacey, we love each other, we've said it and we both mean it. There is always hope of us being together," She told him truthfully, shaking her head at her confusion.  
  
"So then I'll be here, I'll be waiting," He told her, placing his fingers to her face and turning her to look at him.  
  
"I don't know when I'll be ready," she told him. It was strange, before she couldn't bear to look into his eyes and now she couldn't bear to tear herself away from them.  
  
"I'll wait," he told her softly. Looking deeply into her, he looked past her eyes and into her, he was melting her.  
  
"But you cant just wait for me Pacey, you need to move on," she told him. She didn't want him to move on, it was the very last thing she wanted but it was best for him to move on into the future without her.  
  
"I did, I did move on or at least I tried to move on. Somehow, I'm still led right here. I keep on coming back to you, I'm drawn to you," he said, sighing heavily. He wished he could move on, wished he could forget about her, but he couldn't. Even when he was with Audrey he never stopped loving her.  
  
"So until then you just... what? What do you do?" Joey questioned him, lifting her hand to cup his cheek, looking to him softly, searching him for his answer.  
  
"I be your friend, nothing more and nothing less. I will be here for you because as long as I'm in your life I don't care what we are. As long as I can be your friend, even if nothing more then it's enough," He told her, pleading with her eyes.  
  
"Pacey... I... I..." Joey paused, unable to speak again. His eyes burned into her skin, causing her breath to deepen; she shook off her thoughts and backed away from him suddenly. "I need to think about some things and you need to go to work," She told him, moving her gaze to the floor again.  
  
"And leave it like this?" Pacey asked, standing up in shock. There was no way he could leave and leave things up in the air this way.  
  
"Pacey, just go. I'll come around later when you get in and we can talk some more, give me time to think," she told him. She didn't know what it was she needed to think about exactly, she wanted his friendship, but she didn't want to stop him from being happy.  
  
"Ok, I guess that's best," He told her, lifting his collar and putting his tie on mindlessly.  
  
"But Pacey I just..." Joey watched him as he tied his tie, she stood up and walked over to him, fixing it properly. He looked down at her, in awe of her tenderness. " Before you go can I have one kiss goodbye?" She didn't know why she had said it, it was only complicating things, but at that moment, it was what she needed.  
  
"Are you sure?" Pacey asked lowering his mouth to hers slowly. Swallowing a nervous lump in his throat as he inched closer to her ruby lips.  
  
"I need it," she told him softly as she closed her eyes and pulled his mouth to hers, entrapping his lips in a searing kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him closer, taking him deeper in her mouth. He moved his hands to her waist pulling her closer to him, moaning into the kiss as it deepened. He pulled away from her slowly; leaving her breathless, eyes closed, reeling in his touch, unable to let him go.  
  
"I'll be back later, You can stay here if you don't want to go home," he told her gently, kissing her cheek one last time. He stepped away from her body finally, slowly, in silence and grabbed his jacket. Walking over to the door, he took one look back at her before he turned the doorknob. Opening the door, he jumped aside when Jack and Emma fell in. "Oh great! Privacy! That's some kind of foreign concept now right!" he shouted at them before walking out the door annoyed at Emma and Jack. Joey watched him go before letting her tears fall from her eyes, solitarily trickling from her eyes to the floor, holding onto Jack as he walked over and wrapped his arms around her.  
  
Part 4 done and dusted, please read and respond. 


	5. View From The Moon 5 SelfDestruction

View From the Moon 4 - Self-Destruction  
  
Joey walked around the apartment chewing her fingernails, she had turned her beautifully trimmed nails into some jagged mess she had bitten them so much. She had almost warn a hole in her floor with all the walking she had done. It was confusing, she couldn't even really think of a reason not to want his friendship, it was a harmless friendship, and a friendship was all it was. However, the question wasn't really about the friendship it was about his feelings, could she handle his feelings, could he cope with seeing her when she wasn't with him and be the friend he was before. The conversation had been strange, she didn't even know if what she had said had actually been true, technically what she had with Eddie was not a relationship. They hadn't been together long, and she was over him but there was just something about seeing them together, it wasn't rebound sex for her, not like Pacey had said. Sure, maybe she had been hurt and looked for some comfort but she had admitted that straight out. It was a hard thing to get into her head. There was no way she could lose the man that rebuilt her trust in the male species, the man that proved that all men weren't selfish. He convinced her that all men weren't just after her for something a little bit more than a cozy afternoon chat. But she didn't know if that was true anymore, did Pacey just stay her friend because he wanted more or did he genuinely care? She shook her head at her terrible thought, of cause Pacey cared, how could she ever think he didn't, it was Pacey. Pacey may be in love with her but she was in love with him too and she didn't use the friendship as an excuse to get closer to him. It was terrible to think that Pacey didn't care, he did, he did care. Pacey had always cared even from when they were meant to hate each other. Joey was catapulted out of her thoughts when she heard a gently rapping at the door; soft knuckles knocked on the door. It wasn't her apartment but she opened the door, shutting it almost immediately when she saw Audrey standing in the hallway. As she closed it, Audrey put her foot in the door, keeping it open. "Joey please!" Audrey begged. She gave her a look that made Joey change her mind. She opened the door wider and let her in, awaiting an explanation. "Joey I'm so sorry about last night, I drank a lot, too much," Audrey told her, following her around the apartment. "And when I hit you didn't mean to I was just so drunk and I was reckless and I understand that it was terrible to do that then not say sorry but I'm sorry. Will you forgive me and come home?" Audrey pleaded with her, Joey shook her head.  
  
"Is that why you're here?" Joey asked her, if she wasn't going to admit it then she certainly wasn't even going to think about forgiveness.  
  
"No," Audrey said timidly, walking over to the couch and sitting down on it. "Last night I did something awful to you," she told her, looking down at her hands in shame, she couldn't believe what she had done to her. It was going to kill her when she found out.  
  
"You did? I can't even imagine what that would be?" Joey asked sarcastically. She sat and watched her, watched her struggle with her decision to tell her, but would she go through with it. Knowing Audrey, she would turn it around.  
  
"Last night when I went home from the bar I was drunk and I..." she stuttered, she didn't know how to tell what she had done, she couldn't, it was too hard. " Joey well... I..." Audrey tried to speak, it was hard to explain it. It was hard to explain how it happened and what it had done. She opened her mouth to continue when Joey cut her off abruptly.  
  
"I know okay!" Joey shouted at her, standing up and creasing her brow at her. Audrey looked up to her with pain, she knew she knew, but her eyes told her she knew she had been wrong.  
  
"You know?" Audrey questioned her, sighing heavily and sitting down. She couldn't possibly know what she was going to tell her, there was no way Eddie would tell her, there was no way she could know  
  
"Yes," Joey told her coldly, sitting down at the opposite side of the room.  
  
"About what?" Audrey questioned her. She was scared, If she did know; it was going to kill her, the betrayal was going to kill her. She would never forgive her, Joey wasn't very forgiving, and something of this magnitude wasn't something she would ever forgive her for. Joey looked at her, zoned her eyes onto her, and shot cold daggers at her.  
  
"Last night I came home, I came in the door and I saw you on my bed with him," Joey told her, letting her lip tremble and the heat build in her throat. Audrey looked sorry, there was no disputing that she was sorry, but she still couldn't bring herself to forgive her. Audrey stood up and walked towards her, shaking her head slowly from side to side, she wanted to beg her to forgive her.  
  
"Oh my god! Joey I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen, it was an accident, I swear!" Audrey told her honestly, walking over to her, when she got to her and Joey walked away towards the kitchen, moving away from her.  
  
"What so you were naked, you fell and landed on his dick?" Joey shouted the question angrily, getting a glass from the cupboard and slamming it down on the counter harshly. An accident? It couldn't have been an accident, that was just absurd  
  
"No," Audrey said obviously, walking over to her in the kitchen, touching her eye. She had hurt her last night, her eye was badly bruised, her eye was almost closed, she was a terrible, terrible person.  
  
"Then it wasn't an accident, it was deliberate," Joey asked her angrily moving away from her quickly to the other aside of the room where she couldn't touch her.  
  
"Ok then I was a mistake, I didn't mean to hurt you, you have to believe me. I dint want to hurt you," She told her, following her around the room, shouting back at her as gently as she could. Joey was annoyed, she had a good right to be, what she had done had been despicable.  
  
"Well y'know what? You did! Friends don't sleep with each others ex- boyfriends, especially ones who are bastards!" she told her angrily, shouting at her loudly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Audrey told her softly, following her around the room. Joey moved constantly, not able to stay in one place, not wanting to be anywhere near her.  
  
"Y'know you keep saying it, Your mouth keeps moving and the words keep come out but I just don't believe you!" Joey screamed at her angrily, sending daggers of ice shooting from her eyes. "I don't believe you're capable of a single selfless thought!" Joey bellowed at the top of her lungs. She was the only one in the house. She wanted to slap her, she wanted to throw her out the window, she wanted to hurt her, but she couldn't.  
  
I'm sorry Joey; you have to believe me... I am," Audrey begged following her again. Joey stopped, sending Audrey almost into the back of her. She turned slowly and looked at her angrily, with a look of hatred in her deep, cold eyes.  
  
"Well y'know Audrey, maybe, just maybe sorry doesn't cut it anymore!" Joey shouted loudly, she pointed her finger at Audrey's shoulder and poked her hard. "I've had enough of you! I cannot forgive you for this! You slept with him! How could you sleep with him!" Joey bellowed the direct question staring into her eyes, the look of hatred remained and grew with every word she spoke. Her eyes narrowed in on her and stabbed her through the heart with the intensity.  
  
"I didn't mean for it to happen okay it just did!" Audrey shouted, running her fingers through her air as the tears glistened in her eyes. Joey was not going to let this go, she was going to lose her, she couldn't bear to lose her.  
  
"Ok then explain to me, how did it happen?" Joey asked calmly, folding her arms over her chest and awaiting an explanation.  
  
"Joey..." Audrey said. Closing her eyes and shaking her head. Tears seemed from her beautiful blue eyes, she couldn't bear to tell her.  
  
"No I want details, come on tell me the story," Joey urged, her look was hard and her eyes showed no sign of forgiveness. She was going to make her explain she was going to make her see how she was so wrong.  
  
"Joey..." Audrey said trying to stop her from asking her. She couldn't hurt her, she couldn't tell her, it was too hard. She couldn't just run through it like any other story, it would hurt her and she couldn't bear to hurt her again.  
  
"Come on," Joey urged walking towards her, watching the tears fall fluently from her eyes. "I'll start it for you. Once upon a time there was a scumbag called Eddie and a whore called Audrey. One night he drove her home drunk from the bar. He walked to her door and..." Joey paused, waiting for Audrey's intervention, but it never came. " Come on continue. You were doing so well, you're usually so entertaining, you're usually so good at stories... come on!" Joey shouted urging her friend who just shook her head, refusing to answer her.  
  
"Joey..." Audrey said quietly, tears escaping from her eyes with shame, she couldn't tell her, she couldn't.  
  
"Continue!" Joey screamed loudly letting the tears fall fluently. A girl that was once her friend was going to explain why she betrayed her trust.  
  
"He walked me to my door," Audrey told her slowly and quietly, tears falling, voice shaking, lips trembling.  
  
"Come on, louder I cant hear you!" Joey screamed at her, shocking Audrey to sit down and hold her head in her hands, unable to look at her.  
  
" He came inside with me, he said he would make me some coffee to sober me up. So I let him in and I had coffee. He walked me around the room trying to walk it off and it was working. But I started to feel sick so I went to the bathroom, he followed me in, and he was so nice Joey. He was holding my hair back behind my head. He was telling me jokes, telling me that it was all right, that it was nothing to be embarrassed about. So when we were finished, and I had been sick, he came back in the room with me and gave me something to drink, some more coffee. You know me Joey, once I'm sick I'm almost sober, there is no excuse for what I did but I'm so sorry. He was on the bed talking to me and then he kissed me, I kissed him back and then I don't know how it happened but it did. I was sober, I knew what I was doing yet I still did it, and I am an awful person I know that. But it will never happen again, I won't hurt you again Joey I'm sorry!" Audrey explained, still looking to the floor, letting her tears fall. She finally looked up to Joey who was looking at her with disgust, shaking her head slowly, swinging it from side to side in disbelief.  
  
"Y'know what? The fact that you knew it was wrong just makes it worse!" Joey shouted at her, stopping herself and calming herself down. "You were sober Audrey, you could have stopped it but you didn't, you continued," Joey told her, she didn't shout, she kept her voice low, swallowing a lump in her throat as she looked her straight in her eyes.  
  
"Joey I'm sorry," Audrey told her again. Her voice pleaded for forgiveness but Joey's eyes showed no sign of forgiving her.  
  
"Audrey I'm not going to stick around and let you do this anymore. I can't forgive you this time!" Joey shouted, not loudly, shaking her head aga9n. She regretted what she was saying, she wanted to forgive her, but she just couldn't.  
  
"You have to," Audrey pleaded again walking over and sitting beside her, she didn't move, she just gazed at her with hard eyes.  
  
"No! No Audrey I don't!" Joey shouted beside her, not moving, not looking at her. She couldn't look at her anymore; it was an impossibility to look at her.  
  
"But Joey you're my best friend. We're roommates," Audrey argued softly. She couldn't bear to lose her friendship. It was a friendship she needed a friendship she couldn't live without.  
  
"Not anymore," Joey told her standing up and wiping the tears from her eyes. She wasn't shouting anymore, she didn't have the energy. "I'm moving out and I would like you to leave me alone now," Joey told her turning her back to her, unable to look at her anymore.  
  
"No! I will not go, we need to talk, we need to suss this thing out. You are my best friend, you are everything, my whole support I cant let you go. I cant let this happen Joey I'm messed up I need you," Audrey said walking up beside her and laying her hands on her shoulder, pleading with her. She felt Joey inhale her tears, it was killing her.  
  
"Well y'know what? You should have thought about that before," Joey told her quietly, moving away from her and wiping her tears. It wasn't even that she slept with Eddie, it was that she betrayed her.  
  
"Joey I'm sorry what else can I say? What can I say to make you believe that I'm sorry!" She asked her shakily, letting the tears fall. She didn't often cry but this was a time that she couldn't help it, when you were losing your best friend when you needed them most there was no way you couldn't.  
  
"Nothing!" Joey screamed turning to face her, letting the tears seep through her eyes and roll down her cheeks. " Ok! Nothing! Nothing can put this right! It wasn't the fact that you slept with Eddie but the fact that you betrayed me! You stuck the knife in my back! If you wanted him then you should have asked me if you could date him!" Joey bellowed at her, her voice echoing around the quiet room.  
  
"I don't want him Joey, It's never going to happen again. It was a one- night stand. A mistake, okay? It's finished! Done!" Audrey shouted, trying to reassure her. She never meant to hurt her, she couldn't bear to feel how much she hurt and betrayed her.  
  
"I know and in a way that's what makes it so bad!" Joey told her angrily, walking away from her and towards the door, turning her back to her.  
  
"Joey I need you okay? I'm going through shit and I need you," she told her softly. Walking to her urging to look into her eyes. She knew if she saw her eyes, she would know how sorry she was.  
  
"Y'know what? You should have thought about it before you decided to betray me and stab me in the back," Joey told her opening the door, preparing to ask her to leave.  
  
"Joey I really need you to help me... I... I just wanted what you had. I wanted to be happy just for one second. I need to be happy Joey I'm not happy. And I hate myself I look in the mirror and I don't even see myself anymore. I'm not myself; the person who I was has changed. I'm not me!" Audrey shouted, breaking down in more tears, coughing out her tears. Joey closed the door slowly and carefully, taking a breath and turning around.  
  
"Then you need to get of the drugs and the alcohol, you need to get clean!" Joey told her sternly. Finally looking into her eyes. She hated her at that moment in time but she needed to help her. It didn't matter about Eddie anymore. No matter how much she hurt her she had to be there, she had to help her.  
  
"Its not that easy I cant. I can't just stop," Audrey told her, looking at her. She still seemed to hate her, but still wanted to help her.  
  
"You're wrong... you can, you can stop! If you wanted to you could stop!" Joey told her firmly, placing her hands on her shoulders.  
  
"I cant okay? I can't stop drinking," Audrey said shaking her head slowly and sadly.  
  
"Then..." Joey took a deep breath and looked at her. " Audrey you're an alcoholic," she told her softly, trying to get it through her mind. She watched her as she shook her head. "You are," She told her again softly.  
  
"I'm not!" Audrey said moving away from her, refusing to listen and shaking her head aggressively.  
  
"You are!" Joey said following her, grabbing her shoulders. "Audrey you need help with your drinking," Joey said, tears falling. The tears didn't fall, as they did before, not for the same reason, this time she was crying for Audrey.  
  
"I'm not an alcoholic!" Audrey shouted, moving away from her, shaking her head, and putting her hands over her ears locking out Joey's voice.  
  
"Audrey," Joey said walking up to her and pulled her hands from her ears. "You just told me that you couldn't stop," Joey told her, creasing her brow and looking at her.  
  
"I can't stop," she told her softly, blinking quickly.  
  
"Then you're an alcoholic Audrey, just admit it!" Joey told her, gripping her shoulders again.  
  
"But I'm not. Alcoholics are only men in their forties with an old car, a bald head and a finance job. Not me! I'm not n alcoholic I just have a control problem," Audrey said moving away from Joey. Before Joey wouldn't stand with her and now she wouldn't stand beside Joey, she couldn't. Joey didn't know what she was talking about, she wasn't an alcoholic.  
  
"You are an alcoholic," Joey told her softly, watching as she shook her head and picked her bag up, heading towards the door.  
  
No! No! Shut up!" She shouted running to the door. Joey stopped her by pulling her arm, stopping her from moving  
  
"You're addicted to drugs and alcohol Audrey. You say it!" She pleaded with her, holding her hands, Audrey just shook her head.  
  
"No! I just cant stop, that's all!" she shouted again trying to get to the door, but Joey jumped in front of her again, not letting her pass her.  
  
"You're an alcoholic," she told her.  
  
"No! Shut up I'm not!" Audrey cried loudly, her tears fell as she shook her head at her. She couldn't be an alcoholic, alcoholism didn't happen to people like her.  
  
"I'll prove it. Give me your purse," Joey asked her holding out her hand.  
  
"No!" Audrey told her, pulling her bag closer to her grip, away from the reach of Joey. She couldn't look inside, it was private, and she had no right.  
  
"Purse now!" Joey shouted, when she refused Joey grabbed it and Ran with it into the kitchen. Opening it, she saw small bottles of Vodka, lining her purse, bottle after bottle. She took some bottles out and held them up to Audrey, taking them away from her when she tried to grab them back. "See? Vodka? Bottles of vodka! You can't make it through the day without it, can you? Tell me the truth Audrey... have you had some today?" she questioned her, it was 10.00am and she could see some empty bottles in the bag. Four empty bottles to be exact.  
  
"A little bit, just to take the edge, I was upset I needed a drink!" Audrey said, trying to justify herself. She didn't know why she needed to justify herself to her; after all, it was none of her business.  
  
"How much?" Joey questioned, looking at her sternly.  
  
"Just a little," Audrey said quietly, trying to grab her purse back without any luck.  
  
"How much!" Joey questioned her; Audrey ran her fingers through her and stayed quiet. "Audrey! How many bottles have you drank?" She shouted, waving an empty bottle at her.  
  
"Two bottles! Okay! Two! Happy! Two!" Audrey shouted, screaming at the top of her voice.  
  
" Try four! Four bottles before ten o'clock Audrey, that is not healthy! You have a problem. Here, take these and open them," she told him, Audrey took them and held them tightly in her hand. A magnetic force drew her to the bottle; she needed to drink it. "I want you to pour them down the sink! All of them, then I want you to go home and pour out all the alcohol you have in the dorm," she told her. Audrey looked at her with disbelief she couldn't be serious.  
  
"No!" Audrey shouted, she couldn't do it.  
  
"Do it!" Joey ordered.  
  
"No!" Audrey shouted again. She couldn't not bring herself to do it.  
  
"If you want me to help you then do it!" Joey ordered shouting loudly at her and pointing to the sink. She looked at Audrey, she shook her head, and she looked like a scared little girl.  
  
"No, I cant okay! I cant I have a problem okay! I have a problem. I can't stop, I want to, but I cant. Every time I try I come back to it, I need it. It's the help I need to get through the day! Days are tough these days, school is tough and I cant take it, it takes the edge off and helps me cope!" Audrey shouted pacing around the floor away from her. She had a problem but it wasn't drinking it was just her personality.  
  
"Audrey you are an alcoholic," Joey told her. She needed to get her into her head.  
  
"No!" Audrey shouted, screaming at her, shaking her heat at her. "No. I cant okay! I just have a small control problem, it not the alcohol its me!" Audrey shouted, covering her ears to shut out the sound.  
  
"Audrey admit to me that you need help with you drinking problem," Joey pleaded with her. She couldn't let her live in denial.  
  
I can't" Audrey told her grabbing her bag from the counter.  
  
"Admit it and I'll be here, as much as I hate you right now I'll be there all you need to do is admit it," Joey told her softly. She was really starting to worry about her, it wasn't a game anymore, and it wasn't fun anymore.  
  
" I... I... I can't Joey... I'm too scared... It's too hard. I... I... I'm sorry," She said breaking the tears from the confines of her eyes and running out of the door.  
  
"Audrey! Audrey come back!" Joey shouted out of the door and down the hallways, but she was out of sight, she was gone. She ran to the window and watched as she ran down the road. Joey sat down on the couch and exhaled a deep breath. Looking over at the phone she picked it up and dialed a number from a piece of paper she kept in her pocket. "Can I speak to Pacey Witter please," Joey said, waiting as the woman put her on hold.  
  
Please read and respond. 


	6. View From The Moon 6 Out Of Our Hands

View From The Moon 6 - Out Of Our Hands  
  
Pacey walked out of work and headed towards his car, he had been trying to get through to Joey at the apartment all day with no luck. He didn't know whether he wanted to talk to her or whether he just wanted to run away from reality. The conversation this morning had left a lot unfinished, he didn't know what was going to happen with their friendship but he know that he couldn't lose her. He sat inside his car and took a deep breath, exhaling the tense breath he had been holding before taking his cell phone out of his pocket and dialing the number. He waited a while as the phone rang out, he knew if she wasn't there she would be at the dorm, he actually hoped she had gone back to the dorm to work things out with Audrey. Jack answered. "Hey Jackers is Joey still there?" Pacey asked him.  
  
"Err no Pace, she went home at about four, she's been gone ages. Have you two worked things out yet?" Jack asked her, he would love to see them together again, or at least on speaking terms.  
  
"Actually no, but I'm on my way to her dorm right now, but I'll see you later," Pacey told him hanging up and thinking. She must have gone back to the dorm; he started up his car and made his way to the Worthington campus. On the way he stopped at the florists and collected a bouquet of white roses, his sister had once told him that white roses stood for friendship so they seemed perfect. He had ordered them earlier in the day; he figured that after this morning she deserved a peace offering, or at least a token of his friendship. He drove to the campus thinking about what he would say, he knew he could plan it out but it would all go out the window when he saw her. There was no point planning anything. He parked the car and made his way through the halls to the dorm, knocking on the door. Nobody answered. He waited a second before calling through the wood. "Joey?" Pacey shouted through the door, pushing it to see if it was unlocked. He turned the doorknob and entered, walking around, and putting the flowers on the bed, he walked into the bathroom and looked around, closing the door when he saw no one there. It wasn't normal for Joey or Audrey to keep the door open when they weren't home; he turned around and looked around the apartment. Pacey sat down on Joey's bed and looked over the other side of the room to an area he hadn't been able to see before, his mouth dropped when he saw Audrey lying on the floor. He got up and ran over to her, kneeling down beside her and shaking her by the shoulders. "Audrey!" he shouted, grabbing her with his hands and shaking her by the shoulders again. Her eyes opened slightly, to a small slit, she was barely conscious. "Audrey!" Pacey shouted again, louder. "Come on Audrey if this is meant to be a joke it's not bloody funny!" he shouted as he shook her constantly, it seemed as though the movement was the only thing keeping her even slightly awake. He looked behind her head at the smashed vodka bottle, but this was more than just alcohol, if this was alcohol she would be either drunk or unconscious, this was something more. "Audrey did you take anything!" Pacey questioned her but she said nothing, she just let her head turn to the side. "Audrey! Audrey! What did you take!" Pacey said as he shook her, letting her go when he saw a pill bottle lying half underneath the bed, it was empty. He heard a key in the lock as he turned Audrey's face to look at him again; he placed his hand on her cheek and turned it to him, slapping it lightly, to keep her eyes awake. He kneeled up and took his jacket off, propping it underneath her head to act as a pillow.  
  
"Audrey listen, I really don't want to pressure you but you have to..." Joey said starting her sentence as she walked in. She had called her a few times but she hadn't answered, she was ignoring her, she knew it. She had to talk to her and help her, it didn't matter about Eddie anymore, all that mattered was her. She cut her own words off when she turned and saw Pacey as he shook Audrey. "Oh my god!" Joey said putting her hands over her mouth in shock as he turned around with a worried expression on his face. "What happened?" Joey asked him, she didn't move, she couldn't move, her feet seemed to be nailed to the floor.  
  
"I just came in and found her," Pacey said leaving Audrey and grabbing the phone quickly, she wasn't coming round. He looked at Joey; she wasn't doing anything she was just standing in shock with her hands over her mouth.  
  
"I... I... She," Joey said trying to say something, anything, but nothing came out as the tears tumbled down her cheek at the sight of her.  
  
"I know, I know, but don't worry she is going to be okay," he told her calmly, walking over to her and putting his arm around her. She turned herself to his chest and hugged his back. "It's going to be alright," Pacey told her, holding her closely to his chest as he dialed 911, calling for help.  
  
Pacey drove his car in the darkness back to the Worthington campus, it was late, he had been at the hospital for six hours with Joey. He glanced over to her as she slept in the passenger seat; somehow, she had managed to fall asleep in the fifteen-minute drive from the hospital to the campus. He did not have the heart to wake her, he just hoped that she would wake by herself before he got there. She slept with his jacket over her shoulders and her hair fell over her face. He yawned widely, he was tired, he had been awake a long time and so much had happened, it was a wonder he managed to drive at all. He pulled the car to a stop in a parking place outside the halls of residence and turned the engine off, taking the key from the ignition. Un-strapping himself he looked back over at her, she hadn't woken, she was deeply asleep, he could probably move her without waking her. He got out the car and shut the door carefully but firmly, walking around to the passenger side, he crouched down and looked at her, wiping her hair out of her face, staring at her sleeping face. He shook her gently a few times, she stirred but did not wake so he leant over her and un-strapped her carefully. Picking up her purse he took the keys out and put them in his pocket, putting the purse back onto her lap. Pacey put his hand under her knees and lifted her legs out gently, supporting her back with his other hand he lifted her out of the car. He cradled her sleeping form in his arms and she curled herself up in his them comfortably. He shut the car door carefully and locked it before walking to the door walked through it as someone help it for him. He carried her up the stairs; three flights until he got to her floor, walking up to her door. She was getting heavy now, but he could still keep her in his arms comfortably. She stopped and carefully reached in his pocket for the keys he had taken from her, crouching slightly to open the door. It was hard to open the door with her in his arms but after a few moments he managed and pushed the door open, closing the door with his foot when he got her inside. He lay her down on the bed and started to take of her shoes, pulling them of her feet and placing them beside the bed. He walked over to the curtains and closed them carefully before walking back to her and covering her with a blanket, kissing her forehead gently. He took the bouquet of flowers, which were now wilting, and took them through to the bathroom with a vase that had stood on Joey's desk. He ran the water into the vase and placed them in, they were wilting but hopefully with a little bit of care then they would live for Joey to see them. He looked at himself in the mirror as he yawned, he looked tired, but of course he would be tired after the events of the last twenty-four hours. He arranged the flowers a little before he walked into the room again and placed them on the table beside Joey's bed. He didn't want to leave her, she had been through allot and he didn't want to make her disorientated when she woke so he walked over to her desk chair and took a seat. He loosened his tie completely and took it off, placing it on the desk then unfastened his shoes, if he was going to stay he may as well stay comfortable. Leaning his head back on the chair, he yawned, intending to stay awake but failed miserably as he drifted off into a soft sleep.  
  
Joey awoke a few hours later, rubbing her eyes and looking at the clock, it read 03:02, she was confused, she couldn't remember going to sleep, in fact, come to think of it, she couldn't remember getting home at all. She gazed around the room in the half-light and noticed the flowers that sat on the table in a vase; there was a lot she couldn't remember. She couldn't even remember getting flowers let alone putting them in a vase and arranging them. She put the bedside lamp on and rubbed her eyes, sitting up in bed, she took the jacket off and laid it on the bed. She looked at the flowers, taking one head between two fingers and sniffing the sweet scent, she never got flowers, she always considered them wasteful as they always died but she did like them anyway. She reached into the flowers and pulled out a card, rubbing the sleep from her eyes to get a vision not so blurry, she opened it and read it.  
  
Dear Joey, So sorry I was an ass, please accept my flowers as a token of my friendship and apology for being a complete and utter pain in the ass. Love, Pacey  
  
She laughed at his words and placed the card on the table, she had been trying to speak to him but he was too busy all day yesterday. She looked around the room and saw him sleeping in a very bad position on her chair. She got out of bed and stood up, picking one rose from the vase and walking over to him with it, twirling it between her hands. She chuckled as she saw him sleeping soundly, his head hung over the back of the chair uncomfortably and his hands stayed crossed over his chest. She took the rose and lightly traced his face with it, laughing silently as he tried to hit it away with his hand in his sleep. She hit his nose with the head of the flower and laughed when he squirmed in his sleep, not waking. She ran the rose from his forehead, down his nose and over his throat, moaning in his sleep and letting a smile creep to his lips. He opened his eyes slowly and looked up at her. His eyes were a bright blue, they always more in the morning, she watched them as they slowly emerged from underneath his eyelids. "Hey," Pacey said as he yawned, stretching his arms behind his head.  
  
"Hi. You looked uncomfortable, if you were going to sleep here why didn't you just sleep in Audrey's bed?" she questioned him, standing above him holding the rose in her hand. He sat up and moaned as the pain shot through his neck. "And by the looks of it, it wasn't the best choice of sleeping position for you," she told him softly.  
  
"Nope, bad mistake but I wasn't planning on sleeping, if I were I would have taken her bed. I just wanted to wait until you woke up to make sure you were okay," Pacey said. He put his hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it, trying to rid it of the stiffness. He looked up at her, she had obviously found her roses, she obviously wasn't mad that he had bought her them, she obviously took them the right way.  
  
"I can't even remember getting home, did you drive me? I remember being in the car," Joey asked walking over to her bed and sitting on the edge of it.  
  
"Well no you wouldn't remember because I couldn't bare to wake you," Pacey told her getting up and perching himself on her desk, talking to her and resting himself on his hands. "I carried you all the way up here and it was no easy feat I tell ya, three flights of stairs to this place, they should modernize it, get elevators or something," Pacey said. He placed one hand on the back of his neck and stretched it backwards, stretching it.  
  
"All the way up here?" Joey asked in disbelief, shaking her head. She looked over to him and watched as he nodded, she smiled back at him unable to believe that she had slept so heavily. "Thanks for the flowers, I forgive you for being an ass," She told him. He smiled at her and walked over to sit beside her.  
  
"Well my sister told me that white roses symbolize friendship so I thought that they were best," Pacey said, looking down at his feet before he finally met her eyes.  
  
"Well they're beautiful. Thanks Pacey, thank you so much," she said pulling him towards her in a tight hug. She closed her eyes and leant her head against his chest as he held her tightly, returning the bear hug.  
  
"They're only flowers Joey, you don't need to thank me. I just thought that maybe I should apologize for this morning... well yesterday morning," Pacey told her, still holding her. He wrapped his fingers around the silky strands of her hair and entwined them in his fingers, taking the scent of her into his senses as he lay his head on her shoulder.  
  
"Not for the flowers Pacey, I mean... yes thank you for the flowers but... that's not what I'm thanking you for," Joey told him pulling slowly away from the embrace. "Y'know through all this you forgot about what I said, or it certainly seemed that way. You were so supportive y'know, you called her mother, you spoke to the doctors and took care of everything, even got her a private room. I don't know if it was for her or for me but I appreciated you being there anyway. You didn't need to be there, you didn't need to hold my hand whilst the doctors talked to us, you could have left me with her but you didn't," Joey said. She took his hand in hers and ran her thumb over his large knuckles, feeling the soft skin underneath her digit. Luckily Audrey had been alright, the overdose had been taken only a little while before Pacey found her, if it hadn't been for him she may have died.  
  
"I couldn't have left you, I didn't want to leave you, you were so distraught. I couldn't bear to leave you; I can never bear to leave you but especially tonight. Even if you don't want to be my friend, I can't just stop being one, not when you mean so much to me. I'm not just talking about what I said, I'm talking about all the years we've been friends, we've been friends almost all of our lives and that means something, its not something I could stop in an instant. It's never something I could just stop Joey," Pacey told her, looking into her face. She nodded in agreement.  
  
"Pacey... I said some things yesterday that I should have never said. I was thinking about it and..." Joey took a deep breath, stopping here sentence she looked at him softly. " Pacey I can't lose you, I can't imagine my life without your friendship. Y'know I don't want to go through what I went through that summer after graduation when you weren't there. I mean just to think that there wasn't the option to go and see you just to banter with you and insult your dress sense," She told him, watching as he smiled, a laugh played on his throat. "I mean, believe it or not I missed those awful, orange, red, green, blue Hawaiian shirts and that terrible hat. God that hat, I missed that hat, I really missed you that summer, I hated it," Joey told him sadly. "I couldn't go through that again, knowing that you weren't there, even when we were meant to hate each other I still knew you were there for me. And to think that there would be a single minute that you weren't is heartbreaking," Joey told her with a tear in her eyes. That summer had been awful, she would never admit it but it was true.  
  
"I missed you too, I hate being away from you, I just can't bare to think of not having you. I just want you to be in my life in whatever way is possible and if friendship is the only way that we can be in each others lives then that's fine by me," Pacey told her.  
  
"Well, we can do friends right?" She asked him and he nodded, pulling her back into a hug, yawning against his chest and closing her eyes.  
  
"You want to sleep?" He asked her, stroking his hand over her silky locks.  
  
"Yeah, just like this, just hold me," She asked him. He nodded to her and scooted back on the bed with her, lying down with her. They stayed in the silence of the night for a moment when Joey took her head from the safety of his chest and looked at him. "Are you alright Pacey? I didn't ask and I should have, I mean Audrey is your ex-girlfriend and you did find her, I just wondered if you are alright," Joey asked him, raising her face to look at him  
  
"I'm okay, are you? I mean, you don't usually ask for me to hold you unless you're worried or hurt," he asked her. He traced her face with his thumb, causing her eyes to close when she felt the warmth of his skin on her own. There was something about his touch, however small, that caused warmth to shoot through her.  
  
"Pacey I ask you to hold me because I feel safe, because no matter what happens it's always a place that I know that nothing bad will happen. I know nothing bad would ever happen because you would never let it," Joey told him, reeling in his soft touch. He let his hand over from her hair to cup her cheek, stroking her cheekbone with him thumb again, watching her as she spoke with her eyes closed lightly.  
  
"I would never let anything hurt you, I mean you can't always stop bad things from happening but you can try to comfort the people you love," he said. He swallowed the lump in his throat as she reached her hand to rest on top of his and laced her fingers with his.  
  
"Sometimes I just feel that it's like you stop the world from turning for me, that you would stop everything just to save me. Pacey you save me," she told him, gently kissing his hand that rested, cupping her cheek.  
  
"I... I..." Pacey stuttered, he didn't know what to say. All thoughts disappeared from his head as her eyes opened, looking straight into his. She moved her lips down to his and captured them in a kiss; softly gliding her tongue over is teeth. He felt her as she kissed him, putting her hands on his face and pulling him closer to her. This wasn't the same as the night before, this was real, this wasn't a need to be touched by someone it was the need to be touched by him and only him. He let himself be kissed, let her deepen the kiss, but it was confusing to tell what she really wanted. The point of this kiss wasn't clear; all he knew was that it felt right. But feeling right didn't mean that it actually was right, they had made it clear the morning before that it was not right... it was plain wrong. He wrapped his free arm around her back and supported her neck as he deepened the kiss further. It was a slow sensual kiss, so slow it was almost immobile, but the passion was definitely there and definitely real. "What was that for?" Pacey asked her as she pulled he lips away from his, resting her forehead against his.  
  
"I love you Pacey, I guess I just wanted you to know that. I know how our story ends, it ends with you and me but sometimes to get to the ending you have to play out the middle," She told him, watching him as he slowly opened his eyes. He looked deeply into her and questioned her words.  
  
"And what does that mean, what do we have to do to get to that point where we can finally be together?" Pacey asked her in a whisper.  
  
"We have to live Pacey, we have to live without each other. Y'know? Not without each other per se but we need to include other people in our lives so that there's no chance we misread things. So in the mean time, you see other women and I see other men, it might be hard but it's what we have to do. When it comes a time when we know for sure it's the right time then that's the time to be together," she told him sadly.  
  
"What if I already know, what if I know that you're that one, you're that person that I'm going to be with for the rest of my days. I already know," Pacey told her then took a deep breath. "But if you need that time to make sure then I can wait, I can cope with you seeing other men. I can be the friend and comfort you when they break your heart because I know our future Joey," Pacey said. He looked at her and kissed her cheek.  
  
"And you can cope? You can cope with me seeing another guy because I find it hard coping with you seeing other women. Even when I gave you the go ahead to see Audrey, it still hurt. But I can cope if you can, but can you cope?" She asked him. She needed him to be sure, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him in any way, his love was too precious.  
  
"I've managed this long, I can cope a little bit longer. I mean I'm not going to say it makes any sense to me, I doesn't, but they are your reasons and I have to respect that, you deserve a little bit of time. But I will always be here, whether we end up together or not," Pacey told her softly. Watching as she smiled at him, thankful for his understanding.  
  
"We will. But right now we sleep," Joey told him, placing a kiss on his forehead and turning her back to him, pulling his hand and wrapping it around her waist.  
  
"Just remember one thing Potter. Contrary to popular belief destiny is not what we make it, destiny is destiny and it's out of our hands," Pacey told her, pulling his body close to hers and holding her waist as she fell asleep. It was strange to thank of what just happened, it made no sense, if she knew he was the one then why did she want to be with other people.  
  
end of part six, part 7 coming soon. Wasn't great but that's for all the great feedback I got so far. 


	7. View From The Moon 7 Strange

Joey hugged Audrey at the airport gate, it had been almost a week - five days to be exact - since the suicide attempt. She had stayed in hospital for a few days and then came back to the dorm, begging and pleading with her mother not to take her home. She had lost the fight in the end; her mother wanted her back home where she could keep a closer eye on her. Audrey hated it, it meant her dropping out of college and moving back home again. Joey pulled away from the hug and looked at her friend who sighed heavily and looked around. "He's not coming, he's not going to say goodbye," Audrey said sadly as she darted her eyes around the airport.  
  
"He'll be here, he promised he would, he will be here," Joey told her. "Look Audrey... just look after yourself okay? Call me," she advised her, before pulling her into a hug. She would miss Audrey; she couldn't see her ever coming back when there was nothing to come back for.  
  
"You better look after him for me, I mean I still hate him a little and I'm sure he isn't too fond of me either but... just make sure he's okay. Pacey is a big rogue with a breakable heart," Audrey told her, hugging her friend tightly. She hated to say goodbye like this, especially when she had been so out of order lately. Joey saw Pacey over Audrey's shoulder as he ran towards them. He had promised he was going to be there and he was. She pulled away from her friends' embrace as he ran up to them exhausted, leaning on his knees and trying to catch his breath.  
  
"Pacey! You came!" Audrey said with a smile, watching him as he tried hard to get his breath back in his chest where it belonged. He stood up to his full height and hugged her tightly, still trying to breathe. "You still can't breathe can you?" Audrey asked him slightly amused as she hugged herself to him, hearing his shallow breaths.  
  
"Nope," Pacey told her, finally getting his breath. "Sorry I'm late," he told her, hugging her. It was nice to be able to say goodbye with good words and good feelings rather than the more hostile feelings from weeks before.  
  
"It's okay, you're here now, god I'm so glad you're here. I didn't want to go without saying some things to you," Audrey told him, pulling him by the hand away from Joey. "Look I just want to apologize for the way I treated you I mean you're not negligent at all..." Audrey said, trying to apologize. She had said some things when she had been drunk that had been very harsh, even under the circumstances.  
  
"No Audrey if anyone treat anyone badly it was me, you don't need to apologize," Pacey said shaking his head at her comments. As far as he was concerned he had treat her badly.  
  
"No Pacey hear me out. You are the only man I have ever dated apart from that certain famous person we don't mention, who treated me with any respect at all. I should have understood how important the job was to you but I didn't and I should never have let the drink control me and scare you the way I did. And I didn't want to leave without telling you how much I appreciate you saving my life. You saved my life Pacey, if it wasn't for you I don't think I would have been here right now. I owe it to you, I owe you my life," Audrey told him tearfully, letting the droplets run down her cheeks as she pulled him into her embrace.  
  
"Audrey... There's really no need to say those things; they don't need to be said. However, you have to promise me that you will call me and let me know what's going on with you. We were friends before we got together and I would like to think I can continue my reputation and be friends again," Pacey told her, glancing at Joey over her shoulder as she talked on her cell phone. " I like to think of myself as a serial-befriender. I, Pacey Witter, friend to women, bad-ass stud and man about town, never break a relationship badly. Andie and I are still friends, Me and Joey are still friends and I like to think that you and I could be friends again too,"  
  
"I would love that Pacey. But promise me one thing will ya?" Audrey asked him pulling away from him and looking into his eyes. "Don't let the one that got away get away from you this time," she told him, looking down at the ground then back to his deep blues.  
  
"What do you mean?" Pacey asked confused. Audrey couldn't possibly know how he felt about Joey.  
  
"Come on Pacey it's obvious that you can't sustain an adult relationship because of it. You still love her and she still loves you, she may not know it and she may use strange reasoning to distance herself from it. But you two are the golden couple, the Mulder and Scully, the Ross and Rachel, the Louis Lane and Clark Kent, the new Joey and Dawson. I was crazy to think that you would ever love me the way that you loved her. Could you have ever loved me that way?" Audrey asked him. She really didn't want to know the answer but it was important to know.  
  
"No, I don't think I could," Pacey told her sadly, looking at her sadness.  
  
"Good-bye Pacey, if I don't see you again have a nice life," She told him pulling him close to her and kissing his cheek, holding onto his shoulders for a moment too long. She wiped the tears from her hot eyes before he could see them and walked away.  
  
"Audrey!" Pacey shouted grabbing her wrist to stop her from walking away. "I did love you y'know. But somewhere between LA and Boston it just... fizzled," He told her, watching her eyes as tears fell from them.  
  
"That means a lot to me Pacey," She told returning to him for a final embrace. " Once upon a time you did make me happy and even when I stop loving you, if I ever stop loving you and my heart is healed as much as it can be I'll always remember you. I'll always remember you as the one that I let slip away," She whispered tearfully in his ear. She let her hand leave his and walked through the gate without looking back. Joey walked up to him slowly and placed an arm on his shoulder.  
  
"Hey," She said, watching him turn around to face her. "Hug?" She requested. Pacey spread his arms out wide and brought her body close to his tightly, rocking with her as she cried on his chest. "I miss her Pacey, she's gone and I don't think she'll ever come back," she cried to him, feeling the movement of his hands as he rubbed her back.  
  
"She'll be back, Audrey Liddell will be back with vengeance. She will hear some roaring gossip and wont be able to resist the urge to come and butt her nose into our business," Pacey told her, resting his cheek against hers. He felt the moistness as her salty tears wet his skin and soaked into him.  
  
"I certainly hope so," Joey said, unable to tear herself away from his warm embrace.  
  
"Can I drop you off anywhere on my way back to work?" Pacey asked her, pulling away and looking down at her, sweeping the hair that rested in her face.  
  
"Well actually you could drop me..." Joey said, catching herself before she could finish the sentence and shaking her head. "Y'know what I'm okay," she said, pulling away from him nervously and walking ahead of him.  
  
"Are you alright? You've gone strange. Well stranger than usual," Pacey said catching up with her and walking beside her. Her behavior had gone strange suddenly and something was up.  
  
"I... I need to go to see Eddie, he's leaving tomorrow morning and I still have some of his stuff he wants back, a few CD's and stuff that I have to give him," Joey told him. She didn't want him to drive her; she knew how much he hated Eddie.  
  
"Well I'll drive you, I think I just about have time," Pacey told her, putting his arm around her and walking with her down the corridor. "Oh hey what are you doing this weekend, I mean I know you're not working all weekend because Emma complained she's working all your shifts so what are you doing?" Pacey asked her. He was planning a little trip and she was coming with him, she didn't know it yet but she was coming with him.  
  
"Studying, do not try and stop me because I am studying," she told him sternly. Knowing Pacey, he had some crazy idea up his sleeve, which would evidently stop her from studying.  
  
"Well first thing is that it is my sisters birthday tomorrow and she is having a party, courtesy of her rich boyfriend, at the yacht club. Now I need a date, a date being categorized as a girl to put on my arm to show my parents that I am not completely incapable of keeping a woman. And second of all its going to snow and we can throw snowballs at Douggie's car and annoy him like we used to when we were kids. It will be fun, it will keep our minds off Audrey and I have already lined Lindley up to come with us but she refuses to be called my date so she wont come to the party. So are you going to come?" Pacey asked her hopefully.  
  
"No," Joey told him sternly. She was not going to miss the opportunity to study for her very important test just to go and play snow fights with him.  
  
"Why? Give me five good reasons why not," Pacey ordered her walking through the airport with her, watching her as she thought about it.  
  
"Okay I have to study... I'm tired... I don't want to get a cold... I have nothing to wear and frankly I'm a little offended you asked Jen before me," Joey told him walking ahead of him.  
  
"You wanted me to ask you first?" Pacey asked her a little bit surprised.  
  
"Well no... yes... No I don't know I just don't want to go okay. I will not be the floozy you drape over your arm. I refuse," Joey said, crossing her arms over her chest and walking in front of him. She couldn't believe he would ask Jen before he would ask her.  
  
"Well I asked Jen because you needed space, you said that. You wanted to see other men and..." Pacey tried to explain as he followed her, he stopped when she turned around suddenly.  
  
"I did not say I wanted to see other men Pacey I said that I wanted to make sure. I do not want other men but I need to make sure, I was wrong about Dawson, I could be wrong about you," Joey told him before turning around and walking again.  
  
"You were fifteen Joey, that's different, we're older now, I'm twenty for gods sake," He told her following her quickly. "Look, all I'm asking you to do is come to a party, I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm not asking you to date me, sleep with me or even kiss me. You want to see other men I told you I was fine with it but all I'm asking for is one evening of your completely platonic company in our hometown where you can still study. One night, a few hours is all I'm asking of you," Pacey told her, turning her to face him. She looked at him and out her hand on her forehead taking a deep breath and giving in.  
  
"Fine! But you keep your hand away from my ass, you keep your lips away from my lips, we do not talk about the whole friends or lovers argument/saga and you let me study. Deal?" She asked him, offering her hand to him in a business-like pose.  
  
"Deal, hand will stay away from ass, lips will stay away from face and the whole other man saga is on the back burner if you come," Pacey said taking her hand and shaking it before continuing to walk. "So I will pick you up at your dorm at nine am. Okay?" Pacey asked her and she nodded. "Good," Pacey said walking beside her. She was a very confusing woman, she didn't even say what she meant, she never made any sense, and she was more than high maintenance.  
  
Joey stood at Eddie's door and rose her hand to the wood; she stood still for a moment before knocking three times confidently. She hadn't seen Eddie since that night in the bar and she had no desire to see him for very long. Pacey had dropped her off a few minutes ago outside, he hadn't been keen on her seeing him in this neighborhood, it was not a very good neighborhood, and she hated coming to it. She waited a while until he answered the door, smiling and leaning against the doorframe. "I brought you some things over that belong to you," Joey said handing him the box she had been carrying. There wasn't much in the box, just a few CD's, and a sweatshirt. Once she had handed the box over to him she turned and began to walk away.  
  
"Joey wait!" He shouted, walking after her and grabbing her arms that she took away from his grasp immediately.  
  
"What," Joey questioned him. She didn't want to have to be there any longer than completely necessary, she hated the neighborhood, she hated his apartment, and right at that moment, she hated him.  
  
"Would you come in for a minute?" He asked her, desperately wanting her inside so they could talk. Hey eyes told him a firm no, he could tell she had no desire to see him for very long. " I have a few of your things and I would really like to say some things that I think I need to say," He told her. She rolled her eyes and looked around, it killed her to say yes because she didn't want to but she needed a drink and she needed to use his bathroom.  
  
"Fine but only because I'm thirsty I need the bathroom and you owe me several apologies," Joey told him, crossing her arms over her chest and walking into his apartment. He followed her and closed the door, clearing a seat for her. The apartment was covered with boxes, he was definitely moving, and partly because he wanted to move back to Worchester and partly because he hadn't paid the rent and he had no option. He was actually happy to go, the cockroach infestation was getting him down and wasn't worth what he paid for it.  
  
"I'll get you a drink, you know where the bathroom is," He said, watching her as she left the room and walked into the bathroom. He took a bottle of wine out of the cupboard, he had kept it for quite a while, he had gotten it for his birthday, and there was no point in wasting it. He knew she loosened up a little when she had a drink or two and would make it easier for him to explain some things. He poured the wine into two glasses and carried them to the couch as he heard the toilet flush. He moved the contents of his coffee table to another chair and put the glasses down, sitting on the couch as she walked out the bathroom. "Sit," he told her, but she shook her head. She stood in the living room with her arms folded protectively, acting as a barrier, over her chest. "Please?" He asked her.  
  
"Okay," Joey agreed quietly. She walked over to the couch and sat down beside him, as far away as she could sit without being on a different chair. He gave her a glass of wine and she put it on the table, refusing to drink it. "I'm not drinking that, I want water," she told him stubbornly.  
  
"Come on don't be petty," he told her. It was less of a statement that a way of accusing her. She took the wine and drank it, holding it in her hand. "I just want to explain about me and Audrey and what happened," He started to explain but she cut him off.  
  
"You don't need to explain anything, we're not dating and our little fling was over before it even began. However, what you do have to explain is why you were such a pig to Pacey. Y'know Pacey means a lot to me and to speak to him like that was wrong, just plain wrong," Joey told him. She almost exploded with her words as she spoke to him angrily.  
  
"I'm sorry okay! He had what I wanted, what was I meant to do just let him have you without a fight?" He asked, shouting his words.  
  
"What? So I'm some object now, something you fight over and win like a trophy. Well I don't like that! I am not some trophy and I know Pacey doesn't see me that way! And you have no rights to me anyway!" Joey shouted standing up and pointing at him with her finger. She couldn't believe that he was such a male chauvinist, he had led her to believe he was different but he wasn't.  
  
"I didn't call you a trophy! Just sit down and listen to me will you and stop being so god damn touchy," Eddie said, pulling her back down. She wouldn't let herself be pulled down and stood back up again, putting her hands on her hips.  
  
"Touchy! Touchy! You think I'm Touchy!" Joey shouted in disbelief. Touchy? She had a right to be touchy, she couldn't believe she ever dated him.  
  
"Yes, Touchy! And Pure! And prudish! Little Miss perfect right? Never do anything wrong, never make a mistake never do anything less than pure!" He shouted back at her, standing up and walking closer top her.  
  
"Me! I can do things much less than pure! I am not a prude!" She shouted at him. She wanted to do something, anything just to prove him wrong.  
  
"You are such a prude. You never take a bet incase you lose and you're little miss perfect, would it kill you to do something wrong for once in your life!" he shouted at her.  
  
"I'll show you wrong!" Joey screamed as she walked over to him and kissed his lips deeply. She knew it was wrong and that was why she was doin g it. She was regretting it and hating it, every little bit of it. She would just grin and bear it, one kiss couldn't do a lot of harm, and she was only doing it to prove him wrong.  
  
TBC, not great, not fantastic but part eight will be better. Keep sending me feedback - remember that everything will be explained. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter: 8

Take a chance

By: A droplet of Jupiter

Rating: PG-13

Category: pj

Pacey drove down a road on the way to Capeside, they were almost there, and he was actually a little bit excited. It was snowing, snowing in January and as it fell, it sat on the ground. It wasn't the best weather to drive in but it was the best weather to play in. Jen sat in the back seat listening to her angry chick rock on her headphones and reading her magazine whilst Joey sat next to him glared out of the window mindlessly. It was the three of them back to Capeside, Jack couldn't come, he was busy with David. Jen was listening to angry chick rock after her recent break-up with CJ, she was in an I-hate-men-they-just-break-my-heart mood, but she was going to have fun this weekend like it or not. Pacey looked from the road and turned his attention to Joey for a second, then back to the road. "Are you alright?" Pacey asked her, placing his hand on her knee comfortingly.

"Huh?" Joey asked, she hadn't been paying attention. She shook her head and looked at him, placing her hand over his that rested on her knee. "I'm fine, why do you ask?" Joey questioned him. Pacey always could read her like a book but this was one problem she wasn't going to share.

"You're all zoned out Jo, something is obviously wrong," He told her, turning his hand on her knee and lacing her fingers with it. "You're so transparent Joey I can tell something is wrong, so out with it, tell uncle Pacey what's wrong," Pacey requested lifting her hand entwined with his and raising it to his lips, kissing it gently.

"No, it's fine I don't need to share with the class thank you Mr. Witter," Joey told him, taking her hand away from his. She did not deserve his touch; she did not deserve his soft, warm touch.

"Come on; tell the class we all want to know. Well actually, I want to know, it looks as though Jen couldn't care less. Jen is in a very hating men mode right now and I doubt she can even hear anything I say," Pacey told her. "Isn't that right Jen!" Pacey shouted loudly. He laughed at her lack of movement as she read her magazine and nodded her head to the loud music, so loud that it could clearly be heard in the front seat. "I'm interested though because anything that makes you look miserable when I'm planning a weekend of childish fun is not good. We're going to have fun and I'm afraid that if there are any issues standing in the way we need to talk about them. So confess Potter, what's with the scowl?" Pacey questioned her, still holding her hand and looking over to her at intervals.

"Y'know what why don't you mind your own business Pacey I do not have to reveal every little bit of my life to you. What? Am I not allowed secrets anymore? Have I got to tell you everything little thing that I do, every little worry?" Joey asked him with annoyance, taking her hand away from him abruptly. She did not deserve his touch and she could not answer his questions. If she answered him then he would be hurt and that was the very last thing he wanted to happen.

"Well sorry little Miss moody. What's up your ass this morning? I was only asking a question because I was worried. Because god forbid I could be worried about you and want to help you get it off your chest," Pacey told her shaking his head. She had been treating him awfully this morning and he couldn't figure out why; things seemed to be fine yesterday when she dropped her off at Eddie's. This was about Eddie. "Did something happen at Eddie's place to upset you?" Pacey asked her.

"Die Pacey, just die and get off my case," Joey told him angrily. He couldn't possibly know what had happened, it wasn't possible, she hadn't told anyone and she was sure Eddie wouldn't have told anyone. She watched Jen in the mirror as she listened to her music; it must have been loud because she didn't even bat an eyelid.

"Oh so it is about Eddie, do you want to talk about it?" Pacey asked her. It was obviously something serious to upset her like this and he intended to help her.

"No! What I do with Eddie has nothing to do with you!" She shouted at him, regretting it as soon as she said it.

"Are you and Eddie back together?" Pacey asked sadly. He didn't want her to be back with Eddie. Her reasoning for not being together was the worst that he had ever heard and her reasons made no sense, but he couldn't bear to see her with Eddie. Eddie, the man who didn't understand or deserve her.

"No Pacey, we're not," Joey told him turning away from him, sheltering her eyes from him.

"But something happened?" Pacey questioned her. Joey was getting worked up, she was not happy. He saw a tear gently roll down her cheek and pulled the car over to the side of the road. "Joey?" Pacey asked her, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"I slept with him okay! I slept with Eddie! I wish I hadn't! It was one huge mistake! Is that what you want to hear!" Joey shouted at him breaking down in more tears. She watched him; looking at him as his face dropped and he swallowed a hard lump in his throat.

"Oh, you… you…err…" Pacey was shocked, that was not what he was wanting to hear, he had nothing to say. "So you slept with him. Well that's fine that's… that's…" Pacey was still stumped he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he had the right to say, technically he didn't have the right to be mad at her, they weren't together. "Fine. Now that's all settled we'll just be on our way," Pacey said slowly. He pulled the car away from the curb and continued to drive down the road in silence. He was hurt, there was no question about that, he was upset and he was devastated but there's nothing he could do or say to change anything. Joey watched him drive through the next five miles; tears fell from her eyes as she watched him, hurt and devastated. She watched him as he stared straight ahead at the road, his hard eyes concentrated on the road and nothing else. Pacey stopped at the house and got out the car in silence; he walked to the trunk and took out the bags, placing them on the ground.

"Thanks for the ride Pacey, I need this weekend," Jen said taking her bag and kissing his cheek softly, she noticed his sad look and glanced at him. "Are you okay? You look a little bit upset," Jen asked, he said nothing and just shook his head. "Well okay but if you want to talk about it…" Jen offered, picking up her heavy bag with her two hands again.

"I don't!" Pacey told her harshly then exhaled. "Sorry I just…" Pacey said trying to explain his outburst.

"But if you do you know where I am," Jen said as she walked away. Jen knew something was wrong, she may not have been able to hear them talking in the car but she could feel the tension. Joey walked up to Pacey and stood beside him with her hands in her pockets. She had to say something, anything; the silence between them was deafening her.

"Pacey I'm sorry," Joey told him, putting her hand on his shoulder. She didn't know what else to say, she never meant to tell him, she needed to tell someone but not him.

"Sorry for what? It's not like we're involved with each other is it? I mean you needed time, you're getting it and if you use it to sleep with Eddie then that's fine," Pacey told her shaking off her touch. He didn't know how else to react, it was a strange situation, they weren't together and sleeping with Eddie was proof she didn't want to be with him.

"Pacey that's not how it is," Joey told him, crossing her arms over her chest. She used them as barrier, trying to distance herself from him a little. She could see his hurt and it made her hurt when she saw it, you didn't hurt people you love, it just wasn't what you did.

"Then how is it Joey? You tell me because I sure as hell don't understand," Pacey almost shouted at her, putting her bag down on the floor at looking at her face. She perplexed him.

"I didn't mean to, I didn't want to, I didn't go in to have sex with him. It just happened and I regret it," Joey told him. She could see the upset in his eyes, she could almost see hate in them, he hated her.

"How? How did it happen? You were there and he said hey Joey feel like some goodbye sex then you jumped on him? What?" Pacey asked. Joey's eyes became wide as she shook her head at him; she couldn't believe what he had just said. She couldn't control herself; she couldn't believe what he said.

"Did you ever stop to consider that I made a mistake! Did you ever stop, open your narrow little mind and consider that maybe; just maybe, I'm dying inside, I'm killing myself with guilt," Joey told him and he looked at her with kindness. "I'm killing myself from the inside out with guilt because in a space of ten minutes I could have just ruined the best relationship in my life!" Joey shouted at him, pointing her finger at him. His look of kindness disappeared and it was replaced by one of anger.

"Eddie? You think Eddie is the best relationship in your life!" Pacey shouted. They were rowing as it snowed, cold, in the middle of her driveway.

"No, Pacey you are such an ass! I was talking about you!" Joey yelled then softened her voice, taking his hand in hers. She didn't want to make this into an argument. "You are the best relationship in my life," she told him softly, raising her hand to his cheek and cupping it. He softened his look and put his hand on top of hers softly, caressing her cold skin.

"Joey if you think I'm the best relationship in your life then why the hell won't you let me love you?" he asked her. It was a question, it was the question, and the question he needed answered.

"I want you to love me, I want to let you love me Pacey, I do," Joey told him softly. She wanted to but she was scared, this was the scariest thing she had ever done, the hardest things were always when there was the most at stake.

"Then let me Joey, please let me," Pacey pleaded with her. His eyes burned into her, deeply entrancing.

"I'm scared," Joey told him. She looked away from his eyes; she didn't even know why she was so scared, whether it was that she could lose him or that she could be wrong.

"Of what?" Pacey asked her, the sternness coming back to his voice. She was one of the most confusing women he had ever met.

"Of losing you again. Of being wrong!" Joey told him. She didn't know why but she was shouting, maybe it was to make him understand, but she just didn't know how else to say it. It was a big deal to admit that she was scared.

"Take a chance Joey; for god's sake take a chance on me, take a chance on us," Pacey pleaded with her again. He wasn't going to let it go he wasn't going to let it finish before it even had a chance to begin.

"Pacey… You don't understand I…" Joey told him, moving away from him. He cut her words from her mouth before she could say anything more.

"No you're right I don't. I don't understand anything you say, I don't understand why you think I'm your destiny but you want to be with someone else!" Pacey shouted. He was shouting again but it seemed that it was the only way to make himself heard.

"I don't want to be with anyone else!" Joey shouted back at him. She let the tears fall from her eyes, her eyes felt hot and sore from the pain. She couldn't believe that he would think that she wanted to be with someone else, anyone else but him.

"Then why say it!" Pacey asked, he didn't shout but his voice carried over the creek loudly.

"I didn't say it!" Joey screamed annoyed at him. He was saying she said things that she didn't even think let alone say.

"You did Joey! You did say it!" Pacey shouted, she had said it, he hadn't misheard it.

"I'm terrified of making that mistake Pacey!" Joey shouted, shaking her head at him angrily, then calming herself once she had said it. She had admitted it, she admitted she was scared.

"What mistake?" Pacey asked. He didn't understand what mistake she was talking about.

"The one I made with Dawson, I thought he was the one and I was wrong," Joey told him, bowing her head, she couldn't look at him.

"Why is everything about Dawson!" Pacey asked her, shouting and turning his back to her as he ran his fingers through his hair. Everything was about Dawson; it always seemed to come back to him.

"He is… was a big part of my life Pacey but…" Joey tried to explain, but it was hard, it was a very hard thing to explain. She wasn't used to explaining her fears, it was a new thing, and it wasn't easy.

"And now he's not?" Pacey asked her.

"No, not as big as you," Joey told him, softening her voice and moving towards him. She had to make him understand.

"Then Joey… love me… for god's sake love me," Pacey pleaded sadly. All he wanted was for her to love him; he didn't need anything else from her. He wasn't asking a lot, he was just asking for her love.

"Pacey I do love you," Joey reassured, taking his hand in hers and looking to his eyes to show him the truth.

"Then prove it to me Joey," Pacey asked her, gripping her hand both of his and pleading into her eyes. She swallowed a lump in her throat caused by his intense gaze and finally pulled her eyes away from him. She couldn't take his glances anymore, even in the snow they were warm and burned through her skin, warming her all the way through her cold skin.

"I'm scared," Joy told him softly, quietly and with a very real fear. She was afraid of losing him, afraid of making mistakes but most of all she was afraid of not being scared.

"Why!" Pacey asked loudly. He pleaded for her to give him an answer, she hadn't given her any answers, she had given excuses, but no real answers.

"Because I thought Dawson was the one and he wasn't. I don't want to make that mistake again, I can't make that mistake again," Joey told him. It was true, she couldn't put herself through that again, it hurt with Dawson but would hurt more with Pacey, and Pacey was the one. She knew he was the one but she was scared that he wasn't. She could not bear to lose him.

"Joey, you were fifteen... we're older now. I thought you were the one two years ago and I still feel it now, don't you still feel it?" Pacey asked her and she nodded, indicating a yes. She still felt it; she never stopped feeling it. "Then what's the problem Joey? If we love each other and we still feel it then what is the problem? Why can't we be together?" Pacey asked her, pleading to her eyes awaiting an explanation.

"What if I'm wrong Pacey? What if I'm wrong about it, my gut feeling has been wrong before, my heart has been wrong before. What if I'm wrong this time?" Joey asked him.

"Then you are wrong, you have to take the chance on us to find out," Pacey told her. He pleaded with her, he needed an answer.

"I'll lose you, I can't bear to lose you Pacey," Joey told him truthfully. That was one of her biggest fears, knowing that there was a possibility of losing him was frightening.

"You will never lose me Joey, I'll always be here," he reassured her, holding her hands in his tightly, clenching them between his, never letting them go.

"What if I make the mistake?" Joey questioned him. She wanted nothing more than to be with him but he didn't understand how hard it was for her to stop running, she knew it was running but that didn't make it any easier to stop.

"Joey if it doesn't work then it doesn't work. But God Joey..." Pacey took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "I love you and I am willing to give you everything. Just because you made one mistake, it doesn't mean that you're always going to be wrong about everything. I think you need to take a little bit of your own advice. I think you need to gain some perspective so I think that we should…" Pacey told her, paying when she cut him off with her own words.

"Pacey I…" Joey started to interrupt him.

"No, just hear me out," Pacey said putting his hand over her mouth, stopping her speech and forcing her to listen. He had an idea, something that would help her gain some perspective and look beyond, maybe even forget about, her fears. " I'm going to go home and drop my stuff off, then I'm going to come back in an hour and we're going to have some fun. You, Jen and I are going to have some fun in this lovely cold snow. We are not going to talk about this all day, and then I'm going to bring you back. When you get back you're going to shower and dress yourself up all and nice so that I can pick you up at seven for the party. We're going to go to the party and have a good time; we're going to dance, laugh at my parents, and generally act as if we're having a good time. Then tomorrow we're going to meet up and talk. I'm going to give you 24 hours of no pressure; I'm not even going to mention it," Pacey told her. Her look was perplexed, she didn't understand why he would do that, why he would go from arguing about it to forgetting about it, but he did have his reasons.

"You really think we can do that?" Joey asked him unconvinced. She was confused at his plan but she was even more curious about his plan and the point of it.

"Yes," Pacey told her simply.

"Fine. But why?" Joey asked him. She was confused, always confused at his strange half-thought-out plans.

" I think that we need to forget about it for one day and we need to remember what it's like to be with each other when we're not fighting about this. We need to relax and we are going to relax, so I'm going home," Pacey told her handing her the bag and walking to the car, getting inside. She followed him to the window and looked through the glass at him. He wound the window down and looked at her. "So go inside dress up in some nice warm clothing and prepare for one day of fun snowball-throwing. Okay?" Pacey asked her. She nodded to him and he smiled, pulling the car away from the drive. She watched him leave and thought about it, he was right, she did have to gain some perspective but she wasn't sure how throwing balls of snow at each other was going to help.


End file.
